Couple Counselling

Many couples come to Bergen & Associates Counselling for a wide variety of reasons.  Some are married, some are looking to be married, others have lived together for years, others are dating and are at an impasse in their relationship. 

Often, one partner is desperate for a way to make the relationship better, and feels helpless or powerless.  The inability to have a partner understand how desperate you are for something like counselling to happen can be agonizing. Partners may not intentionally be avoiding dealing with the relationship, but resist counselling and other strategies that a distressed spouse uses to improve a relationship where there is distance.  Have your resistant partner check this out. It is important to recognize the legitmate reservations one partner may have when the other suggests therapy.  It is equally important to recognize that hesitation and discomfort is an expected part of the process for many people.

Here are just a few of the reasons couples come for therapy:

    Discuss and Resolve Conflict

Many couples say: “We just can’t seem to communicate”…the irony is that many of the people that say this have no trouble communicating effectively at work or with friends.  Ugly cycles of blaming and distancing, or fighting and retreating can develop over time in the marital relationship.  This creates hurt, anger and resentment which makes it harder to speak to a spouse than it is to anyone else.  We will work together with you to understand the patterns, and the underlying messages and needs of each person in the couple.  As we are able to increase the safety in the relationship for each spouse, new ways (or perhaps rediscovering old and loved ways) of relating to each other are possible.

    Marriage Enrichment

At times a couple might say, “We are not in danger of divorce and remain committed to our marriage, but we don’t think our marriage is as rich as it once was.  We’ve lost ‘the spark’ we once had.”  This couple is not in crisis but not enjoying the relationship as much as they once did.  A few sessions of counselling can help you discover the original passion and ways to express it in a life that may have become busy and full with the day-to-day-ness of life.  Your car needs regular maintenance and an occasional repair…why wouldn’t you want to do the same for your marriage?

    Infidelity Recovery

The  “affair” of a spouse is an enormously painful event for a partner to experience.  It frequently places the relationship at a crossroads—“How do we go forward from here?  Do we want to go forward together from here?”  Working through infidelity is a painful experience, but having a therapist to assist you in the navigation of this can be beneficial.  It can be agonizing to determine how a partner can relate to an offending spouse.  The partner who has had the relationship has to deal with powerful feeling of guilt, shame and often residual feelings of attraction to the extramarital relationship. At times, infidelity serves as a “wake-up call” to what is not working in a relationship, allowing a couple to attend to issues that can potentially enrich the relationship.

    Process Decision of Separation

At times, the relationship seems unsalvageable.  It seems you’ve “tried everything” and are ready to give up.  While it is advisable to seek therapy well before you get to this stage, there are times when couples arrive wanting assistance in making a decision to separate.  In this situation, the therapist will work together with you to help each of you decide if you are willing and able to work to save the relationship, or if one or both of you is not open to working on the marriage.  This is a decision that is difficult and needs to be made thoughtfully, considering multiple factors. This is not marital counselling, rather it is facilitating discussion to reach a decision.  If you decide to commit to the relationship, then “marriage counselling” will begin.

    Premarital Therapy

During the months leading up to a wedding, many hours are spent planning and preparing for the “big day.” It is equally important to invest time and energy into preparing for the years of married life that follow.
 We invite you to look into the set of premarital counselling sessions that we offer.