Refocusing on the Rewards

It's too easy to forget the positives when the stress and challenge of the day are so present.  When discouraged and frustrated, it's time to shift the focus and see the rewards in balance.

Blog readers will suffer the effects of "workshop-itis" that I have. You know what I mean...someone goes to a workshop, and suddenly all they can talk about is what they learned at the workshop, like all other previous learning and work pales in comparison to this "brand new stuff" (which is often just a fresh way of repeating well known ideas) I make no apologies--I've got it.

John Norcross, a well known and respected psychologist, who provided a day long workshop to therapist-types last week, presented 12 evidence based strategies that have been proven to be effective for therapists.  As he wryly pointed out, therapists are people too, and so what works for therapists, works for others.

Research suggests that when people refocus their vision on the rewards of a task or role, rather than mainly focusing on the difficulties or problems, that a person's energy changes.  Reminding oneself of what is life-giving,thrilling, enjoyable, inspiring, super-neat, uplifting, rejuvenating, exciting, pleasant, vital, meaningful, profound, uber-cool, life-sustaining changes us.  We get more energy, find the joy, are inspired, and approach the task as changed people.  People who are up for the task, who can do it with vigor, who are creative and innovative, who produce better work, and are able to see the value of the task.

A few ideas to get you started from the afternoon's discussion:

• Re-experience the privileges:  Dr. Norcross went around to the 15 or so tables in the room, and had people call out what the privileges of being a therapist are.  In less than 2 minutes, we were reminded of 15 different reasons why it is awesome to be a therapist.  Smiles increased immediately.
• Notice the life rewards:  What are the rewards for what we do?  How incredible it is to know that we help people shift their lives in positive directions!  It's cool work to be involved in people's lives at important crossroads.  We grow as people as clients talk about what challenges them--we are also challenged.
• Feel the career/role satisfaction:  What do you find satisfying in what you do?  What did you find satisfying when you first started?
• Practice the mental set:  Dr. Norcross said that he starts out the day playing a mental video in his mind of clients he has worked with that he has found rewarding to work with, and had successful outcomes. He "rolls through" his "videotape" in his imagination in a soothing and memorable order to start his day of therapy...joking that he almost charges into the waiting room to get his first client of the day, eager to see what the day holds.
• Gratitude attitude:  It's easy to forget how much we have to be grateful for.  When we work from a position of gratitude, rather than entitlement, our spirit lifts.

I am reminded of a conversation I had recently with an acquaintance.  She said she had asked her friend to say something about her husband...and the friend had expounded on her incredible guy, extolling the support she received from him, the way he helped her, the fun they had together, the nice times of closeness they enjoyed.  When she spoke with that friend a week or two later, the friend talked about how hearing herself speak so positively about her own husband had her realize how she had been spending too much time grumping, sniping, complaining...hearing herself respond out of her true feelings for her husband to another was a was a way she refocused on the rewards. She found herself relating to him with greater warmth and enjoyed him more, merely after listening to her own heart.

Spend some time thinking about the rewards in the challenging areas of your life today--as a spouse, a student, a parent, an employee, a friend.  Keep those in focus as you go about your day.