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Sitting in the Dark

← A Thought Space for Holding Pain →

May 25th, 2011 // By Carolyn

Compassion is knowing your darkness well enough that you can sit in the dark with others.

Pema Chodron

An important part of healthy grieving is finding a way to sit in it, and having someone with you who will be able to compassionately be with you in your pain.

I thought faith would say, "I'll take away the pain and discomfort", but what it ended up saying is, "I'll sit with you in it". And I never thought until I found it, that it would be enough--but it's perfect. You know, I don't feel alone in it anymore.

Brene Brown

There's something very hurtful to a person in the bottom of a pit, when someone who says they care, cheerfully and naively reaches down to pull the person out and drags them to a cheerful place.  It can feel disrespectful and dismissive.  It can deny the reality of the pain.  It can suggest to the other person that what they are feeling is not acceptable. It can add the burden of guilt or shame on top of the grief and anguish.

There's something very dignifying and honoring of a person in the bottom of a pit, when someone who says they care, notices and troubles enough to grab a ladder and climb down into the pit, and sits. It acknowledges the reality of the pain, legitimizes it, holds it, and empowers the person. After a while, when they are ready, they are able to move towards the ladder under their own steam.

Grief // Permalink // Comments (3) - Add

3 Comments

So very, very true...L-lew

May 26th, 2011 // By Linda Roy

Reminds me of a profound scene from the West Wing: In the story Leo talks to Josh as he struggles with the after affects of being shot.

"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.

"A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.

"Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on

"Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.'

The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"

May 26th, 2011 // By Carl

Beautiful story...love the last line. Thanx, Carl

May 27th, 2011 // By Carolyn

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