Premarital Counselling- Like Winter Boots in July?!

One of the advantages of loving books is that I've read so many interesting and riveting stories that come to me months or years later...however, as a result of being such a prolific reader, I can't always remember where the story came from.  As I was driving along today, for some reason, I remembered a story but  without the details.  So, I apologize for the lack of specificity, but the point remains riveting.

During a time of extreme political difficulty, and racial oppression, in a country that was being run by corrupt officials, people were disappearing at a rapid rate--I'm thinking Stalinist Russia.  Various people would be called by the officials and asked to report to the local office in the local village.  A young woman was called to report into the officials in a few day's time...she was told that they would be going on a short trip and expect to be away for a while.  Her father told her to wear her winter boots--the heavy, ultilitarian boots.  It didn't make any sense--if she was to be walking all day long in the sweltering weather of June, it seemed like she was asking for trouble.  However, it was a scary time, and she heeded her father's advice and wore those clunkers when she reported.  The group she was in walked, and walked and walked...all of June, through the summer and fall, and into the winter.  Little food was given, and people walked until they dropped...literally.  Many dropped out and were left to die at the side of the road (or were shot).  This woman made it to their final destination, the "labor camp", and eventually made it out safely after the war.  She credits the boots for saving her life...many had light summer shoes that were walked to shreds long before they arrived, providing little protection against the brutal weather and difficult terrain. 

Who would think to wear winter shoes in June?  Her father knew something, and started getting her ready for challenges she would never have predicted or known about.  The foresight saved her life.

I am not trivializing this woman's struggle when I compare this to premarital counselling...I am passionate about the significance of preparing for a quality, enduring, loving, and mutually enriching life long marriage.  For couples starry-eyed with the new vibrancy of a life together, it can feel like putting on winter boots in June to go for premarital counselling…if it ain’t broke, why fix it?

No relationship is perfect…all relationships have stress points and cracks.  Good will, love, and the fresh start can hide these and have them seem insignificant while preparing for the wedding.  Add 10 years, some major unexpected bills, a cranky teething baby, and years of processing disagreements in patterns which aren’t working so well, and the cracks can turn into fissures, and eventually, impassable chasms.

Premarital counselling allows a couple to notice the cracks and stress points…and the strengths of the relationship…and do some planning for addressing those challenges, using the strengths they have, and the awareness they’ve developed to do some preventative maintenance.  Proactive strategies that allow for healthy communication strategies make a difference.

If premarital counselling can reduce the divorce rate and increase marital satisfaction (which research says it does)…then it’s significance is truly lifesaving for the family.  Married people live longer.  Children whose parents stay together in life-giving marriages have greater chance of success in just about every area of their lives.

People spend thousands of dollars on the wedding day…Rich Bride, Poor Bride is eye opening to watch in that regard.  Why not spend a few hundred bucks preparing for the marriage—for the years to come?  Why not open yourself up to the opportunity to establish patterns that will strengthen the fibre of the most important relationship a person can have with another person?