Topic: Bergen and Associates Counselling News

Sometimes what you were hoping would happen, falls apart…and the fall back plan ends up better than you could have imagined.

Friday afternoon was one of “those days”…I got a call from a friend who was at my house waiting for the appliance repairman…when she arrived…there was water all over the kitchen from the leaky faucet. I knew it needed repair, but I was hoping to wait until the weekend…it was leaking more than I though. :/

An hour later she called again, and this time put the repairman on the phone. The dishwasher is inoperable, and the fridge may be on it’s last legs…the “fix” would be hundreds of dollars with no guarantee of it “taking”…there is an alternative to give the fridge 72 hours of total “R and R”…and it may work when it’s had 3 days of rest. (OK…does that not sound odd? My fridge needs a long weekend of vacation…but that’s what he said).

So…now I have no fridge, no running water, and a broken dishwasher…and it’s Friday afternoon…and we’re having a guest for supper…and he eats a gluten free diet, so ordering a pizza at the last minute is NOT an option…and each junior tribe member is using the time after school to work on a science project (which means that there is a volcano in my bathtub where I am also trying to wash dishes), and one of'em notifies me at 6:00 that he actuallly has to be at an event at 7:00…and oh yeah, I have a workshop I’m doing the next morning on “Boundaries”…and I planned for some quiet time on Friday night to prep...and I'm trying to watch this video on YouTube to figure out how to fix a leaky tap.

It was either laugh or cry…I chose to laugh…mostly.

The kicker…the next night, we are having a Bergen and Associates Counselling staff party at my house. So…as I’m standing in the middle of the office Friday afternoon, looking at the phone after the repairman finishes delivering his news…I am gazing dumbstruck. Contemplating how it will all work. Can it work? What is it gonna take to make it work?

Yikes. And then Melanie, our office manager pipes up…”uh…my husband is out of town this weekend, so the house will be quiet. We had company on Wednesday so our house is already clean…do you want to switch the party to my house?”

My immediate response was “no”…because in my culture, when I grew up, when someone offered something so huge, so kind, that “put them out” so much…you say no. That’s with the understanding that they are being nice, but may not actually mean it…may even be hoping that you’ll know they don’t mean it…it’s meant as a gesture of support, not an actual offer.

But…I had to go into session…and sometimes the best way to make a decision is to “put it on the back burner” and do something else creative and lifegiving to put your brain in a good space.

So…after the session, I reminded myself (given that it was on top of my brain that I'm talking about "Boundaries" the next day) that she is a grown up that chose to offer her house.  I checked with Melanie…is this realistic…are you seriously offering. And she assured me she was…I took a deep breath and took her up on hosting the party.

And so it was a hectic Friday night at home, a crazy Saturday morning at the Boundary Brunch, and a busy Saturday afternoon prepping for an event at her house. I felt "fried".

But then Saturday night came. And. It . Was. A. Blast.

Melanie’s house was the perfect home to get together. We had an “appetizer potluck” and had this beautiful array of vegetables, pastries, crackers and cheese, candied nuts, meatballs, and bacon wrapped water chestnuts. Yum-o! (And she gave a "goodie bag" of frozen cabbage rolls to each guest as they departed...how cool is that!)

And we laughed and giggled and howled together as we shared in each other’s lives. Told funny stories about travel and adventures, about some of our recent media ventures.

Probably the funnest part of the evening was when we spent some time talking about the January Secret Partner stuff. To brighten up our month, I had given everyone someone else’s name. It was meant to be kept secret…and throughout the month, we were all to find ways of brightening that person’s week in some way…it was to be inexpensive and not burdensome…but fun.

And it was a scream to hear the lengths people went to, to do nice things for their person…Gail came in on the weekends to leave something for Melanie…she’s always at her desk and so surprising her was hard. Some of us wrote notes with our non-dominant hand to conceal our identity…Melanie was quick to point out that my writing probably couldn’t be much messier with my left hand. There was crafty sneakiness to do nice things yet remain anonymous…and it had us in stitches imagining the lengths some folks went to, to do things in secret. Someone had some last minute misgivings about giving the TicTacs…so quickly added a note that it was given innocently, and not to suggest an issue with bad breath. Head scratchers, foot warmers, candles, lotion, little cards…wrapped up in pretty paper…or with a simple post it note.

Melanie enjoyed noticing little things sticking out of the mailboxes…and it was fun to get an email from her reminding me that I should check my mailbox. With the Starbucks card (man, he knows me!) and business card holder my secret partner gave me was a thoughtfully encouraging note that I will cherish long after the gift card has been used.

There’s just something about people doing sweet thoughtful kind things for each other that made the office an even more pleasant place to be than usual.

What seemed to me like an overwhelming event only 24 hours before, turned into an evening that I will remember long into the future…what warmed my heart down to my toes was a phrase buried in the middle of a question.

As we were visiting, Roshonna asked if there were some in the “Bergen family” of staff that would be interested in participating in the Manitoba Marathon relay as a team.

She called us a family.

A family.

Family.

Ahhhhh.

(soft smile)

If you have a few minutes on Thursday, January 5th, between 10 am and noon, check out CJOB 68...Rod Minaker and I will be talking with Richard Cloutier about anger. We had a great chat with Richard before Christmas talking about the topic at a coffee chop and look forward to talking with him on air.  Rod is a wealth of information on the topic and works in the area of intimate partner violence at Family Center, as well as doing some work with clients through our organization, and I'm thrilled that Family Center was willing to allow him to speak to listeners to share his knowledge.

I’ve heard it said that if you love your job, you will never work a day in your life.

That’s a wee bit simplistic, perhaps…but that line came to mind on the weekend after a staff meeting at Bergen & Associates Counselling. Several times a year, we gather as a staff…this time Saturday over lunch. We had pitas from Pita Pit and delicious fancy cupcakes from Cakeology. We these decadent treats as we were celebrating Gail’s recent graduation, Nadia’s recent engagement, and Roshonna’s upcoming European adventure.

As we gathered together, our staff got kinda goofy. When we work, we work hard, and we take our work very seriously. A lot of the work we do is really heavy, and so when we get together and are not working…we love to laugh together. After getting caught up on some administrative matters to continue to ever improve the way we deliver service to our clients, we just started sharing about what made our work meaningful, about what it was like to do good work with clients, about how it felt when we know we have had a part in contributing to healing in a client’s life.


It was wonderful to be a part of the warmth of the room…we care about each other, are incredibly supportive of each other, and joked and giggled in ways that included others who are relatively new. Both Rebecca and Melanie were there…they do a lot administratively to support our work, and to allow our work to be effective(…and every so often they need to whip us into shape). They are an important part of the therapeutic team even though they never enter a session…and it felt natural to include them in our meeting (well, until Melanie had to leave early for the Jets game, anyways.)    ;)



I was once again humbled to realize how privileged I am to be a part of an incredible team that loves to work together. We like each other. We make it a pleasant place to spend time hanging out. The senior therapists welcome the junior therapists to bounce ideas off them. The junior therapists let the senior therapists know it is appreciated. And the respect all have for each other is incredible.

Bergen & Associates Counselling is a neat place to do therapy in so many ways…and on Saturday as I left our meeting with a warm glow, after lots of help to clean up, and people still sitting chatting with each other long after it was over, I was reminded again how very blessed I am to work with the team we have.

Thanx, guys!

Got a call first thing Monday morning...Nadia, one of the excellent therapists around here, got engaged to Tom on Saturday night...a night complete with his home cooking, roses, and beautiful moments.


She is excited and is eagerly anticipating the wedding...and her marriage. During our phone conversation as we were giggling and bubbling over her happiness, she did also ask me about where I might recommend Tom and she get premarital counselling...while we offer a great program for premarital counselling here at the office, she is wise enough to ask for a place where she and Tom can start together to explore their relationship, and do whatever they can to pave the way to a quality marriage. I honor their desire to plan not only for the wedding, but also for the marriage. Best wishes for the wedding planning...and huge blessings for your life together!!

It’s a fun time to be around Bergen and Associates Counselling these days…good things are happening, and there’s a “good vibe” that I’m just lovin’. I was listening this week to a podcast of Vinyl Café on a run, and Stewart McLean suggested that the first of September marks a “new year” far more than January 1st…and I tend to agree with him. There is lots new happening around our place.

I’ve spent lots of time lately talking with the new therapists and interns, and just love talking “therapy” with colleagues…people who are as excited about the privilege and honor to walk with people during difficult times in their lives as I am:


Rod Minaker, who had been with us for several years, and  moved on to greener pastures in winter, has come back!! Well, he’s still doing what he was, but he’ll also be working with clients on Friday evenings and Sunday afternoons…which is great for couples and individuals who have busy weeks, and use the weekends to deal with personal matters. Rod comes back to us an even better therapist than when he left, given the learning and developing he’s be doing. In addition to working with clients and couples in a general way, he has developed specialities in working with people who struggle with resentment, with couples where there has been abuse, and with batterers. We missed him, and it feels great to have him hanging around again. (And I think he likes us…which we like too!)
Then, we have a number of options for counselling at reduced rates. There are two reasons which combine to make this very important to me:

1. Several years ago, the bottom fell out of my world…I was lonely, terrified, and broken hearted for a time…and while I had great support from my friends and family, there are some things that just don’t work to process with a friend. I was able see someone, but only about once every two months. The therapist was enormously helpful in helping me screw my head on straight…but I couldn’t go more often than that…even though I would have loved to. Cuz truth was, I couldn’t afford seeing a therapist regularly. Personal crises often have ripple effects to other areas of a person’s life…including financially. I’ve never forgotten that. It's a lousy feeling to feel like you need help, but the very situation you need help with prevents you from being able to afford the counselling.  Yuck. I want to do what I can so that others can have some options if they find themselves in a similar situation.
   
2.  I’ve also never forgotten the incredible investment more experienced therapists made in my life when I was first starting out to be a therapist. I learned much from the therapists and clients, and I would like to think my passion and energy to grow as a therapist and to work effectively with my clients compensated for my lack of experience. :) The support I received from supervisors that enabled me to give good therapy to clients was priceless…and I learned much, and I think the clients were able to gain from the wisdom and expertise of the more senior therapists through me. 

So, to that end, we are expanding our intern program that offers therapy at a reduced fee, with a variety of options:

Michael Quiring is also a recent graduate with his Master’s degree in counselling. He is passionate about the work of therapy, and has invested deeply into developing himself into an experienced therapist. He has been with us for several weeks and we are excited to have him around. He is working with us as a senior intern at $50.00 per 60 minute session on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays (and soon Fridays as well)

Together with Nadia Sawaya, Roshonna Plett, Gale Shaver and myself, we have a terrific team of therapists. We are passionate about our work, care deeply about our clients, and enjoy each other around the office...I think it's going to be a fabulous fall. If you would like to inquire further about making an appointment with us, give us a call, or send us an email...we'd love to hear from you!

Sometimes, my job it just tooooo much fun. I mean, who else gets to do zumba as part of their day at work?

The Occupational Therapy students that started in early July are almost done their placement at Siloam Mission. I supervise them…as someone who has limited time, but still wants to be involved at Siloam in some way, it seemed that volunteering to supervise students who work full time for an organization was a good way to go. And I get to hear really cool stuff about what they are doing and ask some (hopefully goo) questions that have them be able to learn and improve. It looks like I’m helping the University and Siloam…but the truth is that I learn and grow and get inspired in ways that are truly lifegiving for me.

So Alana and Ashley have continued the good work that Nadine and Criag started last winter. They held an Open House in the gym last week…the theme being “H+/H-“ …”with or without homes”. It was a beautiful thing to be a part of and experience…dozens of us all together trying to follow the zumba instructor…all of us in sweats and t shirts and runners…couldn’t tell who had a home and who didn’t…didn’t matter if you had a home or not when it came to having fun and working up a sweat.

I liked what Mike, one of the staff members said about the experience:

 …the room was buzzing with high spirits as staff and patrons together tried to follow a very energetic dance leader through a series of complex body twists, booty-shaking and overall wiggling. Laughter spread like wildfire. Staff were affectionately ridiculed by patrons. Patrons chummily bumped into each other.

It was great…and patrons and staff toured the gym area that has been developed. There were door prizes, and snacks…well, it was just FUN!

Ashley and Alana have also been working to establish a “MEDS” program (Medication Education Delivery System)…it’s tricky to get meds delivered to your home when you don’t have one, hard to keep meds safe when you don’t have a medicine cabinet, and can be hard to know how to take your meds safely should your literacy level happen to be low. Ashley and Alana have been working with Siloam Mission and Tache Pharmacy to develop a system to get medications safely to patrons in a way that works for each person. Pretty cool system…and as far as we know, the first of it’s kind in Canada. They have done some other cool stuff about developing resources around effective medication strategies, figuring out how to help patrons get to medical appointments, linking with the university to potentially have pharmacy students come provide support to the process and so forth. And, in between, they have cut up veggies and served meals, sorted clothes in the clothing depot, had interesting conversations around program development, volunteered at the shelter, helped staff with work station and environment assessment, had meaningful connections ith patrons where they have learned much and had a chance to encourage and be encouraged, and the list goes on.

The fun of the zumba…the reggae music, the beat, and the exercise was fun…but what I will remember for months to come is the giggle of the homed and unhomed blending together as we fumbled with the footwork, and joy of joining in with others of many backgrounds and laughing at the fun of getting health and whole together.

Siloam Mission is a fabulous organization that connects the compassionate to the less fortunate of Winnipeg.  I've been involved in a project that involves placing University of Manitoba students to work for a couple of months at a time...Nadine and Craig did some really cool work there.

I was delighted to see this news clip about the end results.  From the article:

Craig Bennett and Nadine Blankvoort are occupational therapy students who helped get things started for the gym during their internships at the shelter's health centre.

"Anyone knows when you go to a gym, it's an elite thing and you have to have the right clothes and you have to afford the membership, so just to get rid of the barriers and have the space and the volunteers it's so exciting," said Blankvoort.

David Neufeld is one of those using the new gym.

He said it's helping to manage stress and stay out of trouble.

"(I had) got into alcohol, drinking too much," said Neufeld.

He said working out has boosted his confidence and he hopes others struggling to change their lives will make use of the facility.

from a report by Nancy Carlson
CTV News

Two more students began a placement there last week, and I am looking forward to hear of the difference they will make through their work there--and the difference that place will make in their lives, as well.

Doug Speirs called me on Friday in light of the weekend's bleak forecast, asking for anger management tips to help control "rain rage"...the anger that Winnipegger's may have towards all the lousy weather we've been having.  The tongue-in-cheek article was fun to talk about with him.  Doug may write humour, but he has a warm heart that can see joy...profound joy in moments that speak about deeper things in life...in the few minutes we spoke, I got the real sense that he looks at the lighter side of things being very aware of the heaviness of life as well...and that adds a richness to how one can look at both.

For the record, what he and I spoke about, as strategies to cope with irration about the weather are (DRUM ROLL PLEASE):

• Tip No. 1 -- "Take a deep breath and focus on what you can control and not on what you can't. We can't control the weather, but we can control how we respond and whether we have a good weekend or not."

• Tip No. 2 -- "Distract yourself -- Take a break from what frustrates you. Enjoy a laugh with your family, go to a movie, distance yourself from what makes you mad. That helps you cool down and gives you some inner resources to deal with the weather or whatever's frustrating you."

• Tip No. 3 -- "Maintain perspective by asking: How will I view this situation in three months or five years or whatever. A person may be angry about having no shoes until they see someone who has no feet."

Thanx Doug, for the chat on Friday...it was a good launch to the weekend.

Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved

Marcus Antonius