We've started a new program at Bergen and Associates Counselling:
Intimate Partner Violence--Transforming Destructive into Constructive. For some now, we've been offering an Anger Management program
called Transfroming Destructive into Constructive. It’s an effective class that
participants really enjoy experiencing…and a person always learns more when
having a good time.
However, although it was never intended for people who had
an episode of anger that resulted in domestic violence, occasionally, we’ve
often had people request for exceptions. We haven't felt comfortable with that, given the unique dynamics of domestic violence.
It seems that the options for those who need help to work
through an initial episode of domestic violence are scarce to
non-existent.
It’s not OK to hurt another. Ever. And when
a person hurts a loved one, there’s a special pain in it. To be hurt by someone who, at other
times, cherishes and cares, has an agony all unto itself.
To see the hurt in the eyes of someone who matters…well,
that can create such a sense of shame internally that it’s too difficult to
face. To difficult to deal with.
And therefore, too likely to happen again.
Saying sorry is NOT ENOUGH.
Finding a way to accept responsibility and ensure that it
doesn’t happen again, to find strategies to help a partner feel safe in the
relationship…that’s where it’s at.
But it’s been tricky in this town to find resources to deal
with the cycle of domestic violence before it starts…right at the initial
episode.
Nip it in the bud.
Catch it early.
A stitch in time saves nine.
Strike while the iron’s hot.
We have created an opportunity for people who hate their
violent behavior towards their partner and want to stop it at the first
incident. IPV-TDC is a program intended to work with people who have hurt
someone close to them…and don’t want to be “that person”. There are 2 streams…one for people who
want to work through their behavior on their own. The relationship may have
ended. A person may need to deal
with this on their own. The other
track is for those who want to address the incident of violence within the
relationship. Spouses/partners are
included in the process…to work on and establish a relationship that deals with
the reality of a violent incident, and to strengthen it, to recognize the
patterns that set up aggression. This is not to blame the victim, or absolve the offender of their choice
to use violence, but to understand that relationships dynamics are a complex
dance of interactions in which both partners participate.
We’re excited about this opportunity to make a difference in
the lives of Winnipegers…stopping the cycle of violence before it starts. Inviting those that might be prone to
choose options that hurt and violate to instead receive an “Invitation to
Responsibility”. We are not out to "talk people into" not hurting others...telling people what to do rarely works, huh? How often do you do something just because someone tells you they think it's a really good idea, and they think this is what you should do? The approach is to have people thoughtfully make good choices, and find ways to help people follow through on those choices when and where "the rubber hits the road". This might mean helping people explore the dynamics that occur inside when they get very angry, what they understand about how relationships work, and perhaps, just maybe, some skill building.
We're excited about this program, and are ready to roll!
