Topic: Growing

Saying "Goodbye" is as much a part of life as saying, "Hello". 


The amaryllis blooms are done.  They were beautiful while they were around...but life for all living things is fragile and fleeting.  They were the star of the show at my dining table for days, but now they are gone.  I've moved them from center stage, and am seeing if I can help it gather up enough energy to grow again after a period of dormancy.

I took the photo January 1st. It seemed interesting to me that on the day of new beginnings, I took a photo of the end of these flowers.  A part of me was loath to take the photo, and I certainly had not intentions of posting  it. I wanted the "growing amaryllis series", as I called it in my head, to end with the bright red blooms in a moment of gloriously blooming red triumph.

But when I thought about it, I realized that life doesn't end "happily ever after", because loss is inevitable part of life.  The ultimate loss is death, and most of us blithely go through life not living as if we will someday die, and that the ones we love will also die.  But there are many other losses...loss of a job, loss of a relationship, loss of vision (I'm currently losing my ability to read without adjusting the distance of the page to my eyes carefully), loss of special plans on Friday night, loss of being able to cuddle with your toddler when he becomes more independent, and so on.  Each new stage of life that we welcome is accompanied by loss of the previous stage.  I've sometimes had discussions with new mothers who love their infants, love motherhood, but have no words or ways of holding the grief of the loss of independence and freedom that is gone now with the demands of a newborn.

Thus the picture of the amaryllis in its final stage seemed to be as appropriate and necessary as the big red blooms...part of aknowledging that loss is as much a  part of life as celebrating the joy of life.

At the center of my table are now my paperwhites...I bought them on a whim (...actually I bought them because they were 40% off, and I like a bargain).


They remind me that life, as we say goodbye, gives us opportunity when the time is right and we are ready, to say "hello" to something else.  This doesn't diminish the significance of the loss.  It doesn't erase the loss.  It doesn't cover up for, or "make up" for the loss.  But it does give opportunity for a newness and joy of its own.

The necessary losses of life create space for new things to happen.  Those losses need to be grieved and remembered and honored and aknowledged and mourned and given proper significance.

At the beginning of this year, take stock of the losses you've had recently, and let them be important.

Flowers are the sweetest things God
ever made and forgot to put a soul into.
-   Henry Ward Beecher, Life Thoughts

or

If you pass by the color purple in a field and
don't notice it, God gets real pissed off.
-   Alice Walker

The amaryllis has bloomed...it is dark and dreary outside, but in here, this charmer reminds me that the color in life persists.

I'm delighted that her first bloom opened on December 21st...the "longest night".  It was like she knew that was the day the world needed her to show up.

Alice Walker, in her own rather direct way, is a little pushy about the requirement to see beauty where it exists.  I like her style...and I'm remembering to "not piss God off" by noticing the flash of colors in my life.

Look for purple in your field today, and don't pass it by without notice.

Knowing that we can be loved

exactly as we are

gives us all the best opportunity for

growing into the healthiest of people.

All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower

wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind.

   

Kids are great.

That's one of the best things about our business,

all the kids you get to meet. It's a shame they have to grow up to be

regular people and come to the games and call you names.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.

We are the ones we've been waiting for.

We are the change that we seek.

What a difference a week makes!  This amaryllis is starting to strut her stuff...The bud of the flower is moving steadily northward daily.  It is one determined flower that is ON ITS WAY to blooming. An inspiration to any who are wondering if growth is a good thing.  It is committed to DAILY growth.  I like her!

All growth depends upon activity.  There is no development physically or

intellectually without effort, and effort means work

Don't wait until everything is just right.  It will never be perfect.  There will always be challenges, obstacles, and less than perfect conditions.  So what.  Get started now. 

With each step you'll take, you'll grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self confident and more and more successful.

Mark Victor Hansen

Amaryllis update:  This amaryllis has been busy (or at least I imagine it has been) with getting comfy in the pot, getting all systems below the soil ready to take in the moisture and nutrients needed to start shooting up.    While it is only marginally taller than when I first planted it, it is definitely greener with a few leaves shooting up from inside the first blond sprouts that were there a few weeks ago.

All systems are "GO" to get this baby blooming.  More updates to follow!

It's a beautiful, fall, raking kind of day today.  One of our colleagues, Tara Sheppard, has declared fall her favorite time of the year.  There's a little part of me that gets that...the ability to walk calf deep in crunchy leaves in the quiet cool dark evenings is a treat.  The red cups at Starbucks, along with their gingerbread lattes have emerged.  And we are in that brief but wonderful time of the city year where most construction projects are completed and we don't yet have ice on the roads to slow us down.  It actually doesn't take too long to get to where you want to go in Winnipeg these days.

Ahhh...but winter is in the air.  I know that in a few weeks, we'll be covered in an endless expanse of the chilly white stuff, and then comes the extra work of plugging the car in, letting it warm up before we drive off, and thinking twice about how important it really is to have milk for breakfast the following morning...because the two blocks to the store suddenly seems really far to walk.

My soul gets hungry for color in the white winter, when walks down streets with colorful gardens aren't an option.  There is so much bleak whiteness (which actually has a lot of gritty muddiness thrown in) in winter.

One of the common things in counselling, when the core of an issue is discussed, is begin to develop strategies that accept the reality that is, and can't be changed, but equip a person to deal with it.  So, I've been asking myself, "So, what are you going to do to find ways to relate well to winter?"

Hence, my amaryllis:

No soft pinks, or gentle whites for me.  The box has these huge fire-engine red blooms that let's me know I can expect beautiful fiery red blooms 6 inches across in about 6 weeks or so. And it's going to say a cheery "hello" to me from my dining room table when I come in from a blustery white day, and it's gonna feel GOOD to see it.

That's the thing about coping strategies.  You gotta prepare them for the anticipated times of challenge well before the challenge hits.  I gotta water this baby occasionally over the coming weeks to get it ready--and get to enjoy the anticipation of how it's gonna light up the room when I know I'm going to need it to be there for me.  That's the challenge with coping strategies--to come up with them in the moment of crisis can be difficult, if not impossible.  The coping strategy often needs practice, development, nurture, or be around long enough to become habit forming, so when the difficult time comes, there is no thinking or planning required--it's right there waiting for you, ready to help.

What challenges are you anticipating?  What reality do you deal with that is difficult?  What do you need to do to survive--or even thrive?  Do you need to talk to someone to help you develop some coping strategies?  Consider an appointment with a counsellor if the strategies you might use elude you.

• do you need to prepare some ways of phrasing difficult ideas for a challenging conversation that you can anticipate (or have even been putting off) having with a colleague or a spouse?
• do you need to develop some ways of dealing with anxiety in a certain stressful situation--because avoiding it isn't going to work forever?
• is the winter a time of lower mood--Seasonal Affective Disorder?  Have you investigated the strategies that could work to make a difficult time of year less of a challenge?

Having strategies to cope doesn't take away the stress of a situation, but it can make the difference between coping to surviving, or surviving to thriving.