Topic: Anxiety

The Women Business Owners of Manitoba sent out an email blast letting the community of female entrepreneurs know that Carolyne Braid, the vice president of WBOM, and owner of Pole Fit Canada is going to be on Dragon’s Den on November 2, 2011 .

Carolyne described the extensive process of working towards being on the show…starting in Winnipeg, and then going to Toronto to be filmed…on her own dime, all without a guarantee that it will ever be aired on TV. I’m excited to see a Winnipeg entrepreneur get this sort of exposure. It’s a process that took a lot of gumption to start and see through to the end…I’m admiring Carolyne’s chutzpah. I'm totally impressed.

Something that caught my eye as she writes about preparing her “pitch” for the Dragons:

One of the smartest things I did was to have Ashley [her demonstrator] and I start the pitch by walking down the stairs. On the show, we knew that we would be entering the studio via a set of stairs. This simple act helped to prepare our bodies for the upcoming motions it would be called upon to do.

 

Later on, she says:

…the culmination to a lot of hard work. It was not as stressful as I had anticipated - a lot of which I contribute to walking down the flight of stairs during rehearsal.

I like the attention that Carolyne paid towards getting multiple aspects of herself ready for the pitch…including getting her body ready for the presentation, and attending to what her body might like to get used to as part of the prep—apparently to good effect!

Anxiety is felt in the body…fluttery stomach, nervous tension in your shoulders, a tight chest…and people can think clearer and be more centred and able to think if their body has a chance to become familiar and as relaxed as possible in a situation. Paying attention to preparing more than just one’s mind for a stressful encounter is incredibly astute on Carolyne’s part. One’s body carries anxiety…and then that affects our mind/heart/soul/spirit…it follows, then, that our body can also carry familiarity and a calmness that will then color the rest of us in positive ways.

I can hardly wait until next Wednesday when we get to watch Carolyne in action…you go, girl!!!

The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is, “Do not fear.” It’s in there over two hundred times. That means a couple of things, if you think about it. It means we are going to be afraid, and it means we shouldn’t let fear boss us around. Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion to in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.

Donald Miller
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

Are you aware of the fear in your life? Are you aware of the various ways fear masquerades itself in tricky ways, shaping your decisions and relationships?

• Do you feel humble when asked to give a talk, deferring to someone else more experienced, when actually, you are afraid that you won’t do a good job (even though the person who asks you to do the presentation asked you for a reason)
  
• Are you angry as a cover for the fear underneath…when you get mad at your wife for working too many evenings…perhaps it is actually fear that she is more interested in work than in you?
  
• Do you laugh off, once again, a sarcastic joke from your mother about your weight or your job or _____, when it really quite hurts? And you pretend it’s “ok” even when it’s not…because you’re fearful of the reaction and long term effects of being candid about your feelings?
  
• Do you hold resentment over a long ago slight from your husband…when he went to work the first day after you came home with the new baby?...and feeling resentful is one way to protect yourself from the ongoing fear of wondering how important you are really to him, anyway?
  

Do you let yourself feel the fear…acknowledge it as real and powerful and captivating? Do you let yourself feel how you get hijacked by the anger or resentment or ________ as a way to mask/hide the fear so it doesn’t have to be felt?

Does the fear, and the accompanying protective reactions, run your life and your relationships…keeping you safe in familiar and stagnant and painful ruts?

Lives run by fear may be very safe, but the danger of them is boredom and frustration because of the “same old, same old” features of a fear-run life.

Lives run by fear actually have their own danger…too much safety sucks the life-breath out of a person.

Facing fear is challenge and vulnerability and intimacy that is risky, but incredibly lifegiving.

Seems to me that the idea of replacing anxiety and fear with curiosity is a worthwhile idea...but one that can minimize the difficulty of that. I mean, it's one thing to say it, but a whole other task to pull it off. But I have watched clients be able to experiment, to "play around the edges" of trying on curiosity instead of fear in unknown situations. Often they are "underwhelmed" with how "not a big deal" things are, how much more enjoyable new experiences are, and how most or all of what they feared didn't happen, and, if it did, it wasn't the horrible tragedy they imagined it would be. Now...if the rest of us could just take that to heart. :) So...I don't know that it's as easy as "just doing it", like a major shoe company would have us believe...but I'm gonna give it "a go" this week, and see what it might look like...as fall is approaching and all sorts of new things are happening that I can face with curiosity or fears...I will (work to) choose curiosity!

For many of us, it's very busy in our heads...multiple conversations internally with different parts of ourselves:

• We have one part express a fear--say, for example over having a conversation with someone--say about financies with your spouse. 
  
• Another part logically goes through why it doesn't make sense to have that fear, and runs though all the reasons why it will likely be a fine conversation.  You know he won't be violent, you've had a couple of good days lately, etc.
  
• Another part "tsks, tsks" (or something nastier) as it makes fun of the part that is fearful, feeling it is ridiculous that a person would be scared of a converstaion.  Something like, "Imagine how silly this is that I can't even have a normal conversation with my husband about money without spending hours thinking about it.  How ridiculous is it that I'm so scared of something that should be so normal, and I have to talk myself into something that should be easy"
  
• Yet another part expresses exhaustion by it all, and seeks to "pull the plug" on the inner turmoil by coming up with some sort of excuse that makes it all go away, like "Well, he's going out of town next week, and so it probably doesn't make sense to have the conversation this week no matter how you feel about it."

Sound familiar?

No, it's not Multiple Personality Disorder, or Dissociative Identity Disorder as many now call it, it's something much more mundane and ordinary and common to most if not all of us...the various parts of ourselves that feel differently about the same topic weigh in.  The inner static in a person's head can seem like too much sometimes...and "checking out"  or pulling back from the activities of life may feel like the only way to avoid the internal noise.

One of the things we at Bergen and Associates Counselling work with clients on, is having them listen carefully to, and individually identify the parts to understand where each part is coming from, and to understand it's purpose in contributing to the conversation with what it says, and how it says it.  Once a part is truly understood, we can work with it, to have it work for you, rather than against you.  Or a person finds they can speak on behalf of those parts, rather than out of those parts, leaving the "core you" in control of what is expressed, rather than being hijacked by a part that has an agenda that feels different from what you really want.

• Did you ever have a piece of cake that you didn't want to eat? You eat
  

• Some people find themselves yelling or becoming nasty, and they watch themselves treat family members in ways they would never want to treat people they care about, and see words come out in a tone that feels very different than how they would want to be.

• Others might find that though they want to do something, like ask someone out on a date or enroll in a dance class, that a fearful part holds them back from something they have a real desire to do.

When I do this work with clients, the different voices that go on inside of them can become collaborative and creative and work together, rather than argue against each other, and belittle you.  It's quite fun to work with people and have them operate in the world on behalf of all their parts, in a way that is respectful. 

So, in the example above, the person might listen to the fear and remember how badly the last conversation about money went, and how scary it is to have these conversations...and then keep that in mind as she crafts an opening to the conversation.  She is mindful of the fear's concerns and explains to her husband that she wants this conversation to go better...so before they get into the "money conversation" she has a conversation with him about how they are going to talk about money so that they stay connected.  He lets her know how her style last time felt threatening, and they develop some strategies to have the next conversation go more successfully...and they decide to have it next Tuesday after he is back from his trip, and they are going to go out for a simple dinner first to have some fun just prior to this conversation.  All of the parts she had that were weighing in on this feel respected, and they helped to set her up for a great conversation.

When the parts of ourselves work in harmony and all pull together in the same direction, wonderful things can happen...when the parts of ourselves join together and "celebrate and live my life", it is truly an incredible thing.  Just watch!

Melanie, our office manager, spoke wisely to me last week when she handed me the message:  "The electrician's doorbell doesn't work."

Cracked me up.  Reminded me of an interview Diane Sawyer had with Dr. Ruth Westheimer's husband years ago.  It always stuck with me. Remember Dr. Ruth…the tiny blunt talking sex expert on radio and television talk shows. Nothing could make that woman blush. With a smile and a wink, she would answer the most outlandish, curious, innocent, bold questions about sex that anyone would ask.

Diane Sawyer asked Dr. Ruth’s husband about the sex life Dr. Ruth and he had. Now, that’s a personal question to ask someone on national television…but this is Dr. Ruth we’re talking about. After a pause and a smile he said, “The shoemaker’s children don’t have any shoes.” Dr. Ruth is clear to say that he had a wild sense of humor and that this is a joke. Maybe…but I distinctly remember that wasn’t clarified at the time.

It really reminds me of how we used to be told as kids, “When you point a finger, remember that 3 fingers point back at you”. 

Gulp.

So, why am I telling you this?

I was reminded last week why being a therapist has multiple privileges. And it does. In amongst the stories of pain and depression, conflict and disconnection are incredible opportunities to witness other people discover things about themselves, find ways to find relief from obsessive thoughts, to feel freer and lighter, and to be able to celebrate the positive changes in their lives. To witness significant growth like that is huge…but that’s not my point.

To be a therapist means being with people, walking with them as they confront their fears and anxieties, their hangups and foibles, and work to come to a peace with who they are and how they want to be. To do that with integrity calls on me as a therapist to listen to what is being processed in session and turn a mirror on myself. Listening to people as they  work towards growing to become better individuals, is, quite simply, inspiring to me.  Challenging even.  And that is (mostly) good! :)

Which means that as they ask me help them with something that requires courage, I have to ask myself if I have courageously faced something similar in my own life. How can I work with someone to do something difficult that requires vulnerability if I wouldn’t dare do it myself?

• As people are deciding to have difficult conversations with loved ones, I ask myself, “Are there conversations I would like to be having, that I am putting off because I think it might be difficult?”
  
• A client is working through a lifestyle choice to live healthier, and processing the challenges and benefits to living a lifestyle more in line with their values. It happens that after a conversation like that, I think about some of the same things for my life…and maybe that helps me get out the door for a run that day.
  
• After a session where I have the privilege of being part of a dialogue where someone relates to me a story about the value of being present with someone, and their sheer delight in listening to a loved one, with a “light bulb moment” at a deeper level internally of how valuable it is to really spend time getting to truly know another’s perspective on something, I find myself just a little more attentive to my loved ones when I get home.
  

Such is the side benefit of being a therapist—our clients inspire and challenge us to be better people

Usually that’s a bonus. Last week, what prompted Melanie’s comment about the electrician’s broken doorbell was her reminding me again, (this was about the 3^rd time) that I had yet to return a certain phone call. It was about a contract that we have…and I needed to deal with it. But I had been putting it off. The conversation’s content is unfamiliar territory for me, I wasn’t quite sure how to have this conversation—so I was putting it off. I was finding all sort of reasons excuses of things that had to get done before I made the call. It was delayed for days. I was anxious about the call and I was avoiding it—that’s the bold truth. I’m not proud of that, but if I’m candid, I was putting off something that had to be done because of my anxiety about the call.

What was ironic was that I had just stepped out of a session, helping a person understand the role of anxiety in what was happening…how things were not happening in the relationship because of how much their fear of approaching the relationship stopped engagement.

It was one of those moments when it was very inconvenient helpful to be a therapist…when one has meaningful conversations with people as they confront what is not working in their life, one is very much challenged with what is going on in my life. It became much more difficult to pretend my excuses were legitimate reasons not to make the phone call…that wasn’t pleasant. But ultimately, it was a worthwhile reality check…not only to make the phone call, but to have me do a bit of a scan in my life of what I might be avoiding because when I might start to approach it, I get an uncomfortable feeling I’d rather avoid.

It’s an awesome privilege I have to work with clients. While my focus is solely on providing a therapeutic experience in session, there are side benefits that I take home with me, that make me a better person, I think. My clients are my teachers, and they teach me much as they go through therapy.

They challenge this electrician to fix her own doorbells.

I was listening to a DVD of an interview with Irvin Yalom, one of the formative psychotherapists in my training today.  He quoted a line of his colleague, Otto Rank:

As a therapist, I help people notice the patterns of the things that aren't working in their lives...that helps them to see the way they tend to make things happen.  Once people are able to see their responsibility in the process, positive change is much more likely to occur.

Sounds easy.

It is not.

It’s really hard. REALLY. HARD.

But do-able. And exciting. And rewarding. 

But then there comes the empowering feeling that a person can impact the world around them, and so can mount the crushing responsibility of feeling like one needs to be the one to make everything work, or the life-sucking frustration and disappointment when, despite one’s best efforts, the results are going south. Fast. Ouch.

Had that happen to me recently. Was working on a project with a team of people, and was trying to help make a difficult situation better. I was the leader of the team, but because of the sensitivity of the project, I checked in often with my team members, making sure that my guidance of the process was “on target” and I wasn’t straying because of a blind spot. They encouraged me that I was working effectively and in alignment with the group's common values. I consulted with outside experts…careful not violate trust, but working conscientiously to get outside input so that myopic shortsightedness wouldn’t be a factor. I acted on their guidance and received their support. I thought hard about what I was doing, thinking through my words and actions at multiple levels repeatedly. I summoned up my courage and gathered my resources when the project challenged me. In short, I bust my butt to give extra effort to give every chance for something to succeed.

And it didn’t go well. Ouch.

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around it. Struggling to find the patterns…scratching my head trying to find my contribution to why it went sour. And then I looked at my dining room table:

I got 3 paperwhite bulbs from the basket of bulbs before Christmas. Had 3 identical glass cups, with the same red sand, and watered them with water from one common pitcher. I watered them at the same time and they stood side by side on my dining room table getting the same amount of sunshine. I didn’t talk to them differently or anything!

Two grew. One did not.

I don’t know why. But I know that I gave it the same opportunities the others had. It actually was a bit of a relief to know that it was something with the bulb. Had I only purchased that one, I would be wondering what I did wrong, what I missed. But it wasn’t me. This bulb may not be dead, but it sure is taking its sweet time letting me see it’s goodness. I think it will come, but long after the others are already finished. The rate of growth for that last one is not up to me.  It's working on it's own agenda, and it will respond to the light and water when it decides it's ready to...chill out, Carolyn!

A good reminder to me that while it is vital to look to see my role in life’s circumstances, I need to allow for circumstances beyond my control, outside of my understanding or knowledge. I don’t know everything, have to allow factors which I need to respectfully aknowledge are beyond me. I need to chill out, relax, and not automatically take complete ownership for what happens in the relationships in my life.

Some people don’t assume enough responsibility for what is happening in their relationships, and underestimate their ability to effect positive change in their world. Some people have to learn to relax and recognize that while they can influence outcomes with their actions, that there is a lot more at play—to influence an outcome is a far cry from determining an outcome.

Which direction do you tend to operate towards. What movement would be a helpful correction?

I thought I’d try listening to a book on CD while I was driving in the car.  The library had “Audition” by Barbara Walters.

I’ve been listening to Audition by Barbara Walters on CD while I’ve been driving in the car lately.  I was struck by how ordinary some of her story was, even amongst the extraordinary bits of interviews with world leaders and leading entertainment figures.

Her memoir is entitled “Audition” because of her feeling that she was always performing, hoping that she would “make it” with others, be accepted, or be allowed to continue working.  Reminds me of when I hear people say, “I don’t feel like I can relax and be me. I feel like I’m performing when I’m around people”.

Barbara grew up as the little sister of a Jackie, a developmentally delayed girl.  Jackie was kept at home, had a stuttering problem, and had no social network of her own.  Barbara had no birthday parties and rarely had friends over out of a family perception that Jackie wouldn’t be understood and the entire family would be judged.  The social environment of that time was inclusive of people with different abilities and in protecting Jackie from critical and curious eyes, they fell into a position of hiding her and then feeling like they had something to hide..

Later on, when she was older, she would be asked to take Jackie with her on a date or out with friends, because her mother saw Jackie as exceedingly lonely.  Barbara was in a “double bind”—take her along and feel ashamed and embarassed, or leave her at home and feel ashamed and guilty.  No win—Barbara felt awful either way.

Barbara studied acting in college—her dad got her an audition with a major play.  Barbara was excited until a few days before when she realized that she might try out and not get the part.  Out of a feeling that she couldn’t handle the shame and rejection of a failed audition, she didn’t even attend it—she was too anxious about it not turning out well.  Reminds me of when I hear people want something, but the fear of failure (and the underlying assumption of how that is an intolerable judgement on one's own character) stops them from even trying.

Although she is not nervous in interviews with famous people (having grown up with celebrities in her home at times because of her father’s occupation—and having seen how they are human and struggling like everyone else), she does work herself incredibly hard, taking on huge tasks of multiple assignments.  The reason?  Anticipating that at any time, it would all end, and she would be unemployed—feeling the pressure to make money while she can. She didn't trust herself to remain gainfully employed over the long term.

This is Barbara Walters, one of the best known interviewers of our time—and she fears unemployment—it shapes her life. The weight of knowing she must provide for her vulnerable sister always and the insecurity she has in her ability do so is what she describes, is the defining factor.  "Self esteem" doesn't come up once (so far-I haven't finished it) in this memoir, but there are ways in which this uber confident professional woman struggles with the way she sees herself personally.

My cat needed a bath…she’s getting older and less able to look after the hard to reach parts.  

What does this have to do with anxiety—trust me, LOTS!!  You shoulda seen  her.  Her style…frozen while she knows she’s trapped, and then lightening quick at the first opportune moment. And oh, lots of crying…Lily can sound almost human when she gets going.  Her eyes have this stricken victim look that could break your heart.  But when she sees her chance, she can move pretty fast for an old girl. This is her MO:  still and appearing cooperative, pleading with her eyes, and always on the lookout to make a break.  That’s our Lily!

Did’ja ever notice how most of us have a style of what to do when we feel like the heat is on? And did’ja ever notice how far back that style can go?

When you were a kid, remember how vulnerable you were?  Needed to make your way into adulthood.  Some are fortunate and grow up secure in the knowledge that we will receive all the essentials from our parents—consistency, food, shelter, love and learning what a kid needs to learn.  Other kids find the grown ups in their lives are abusive, inattentive, depressed and absent, addicted to something because of an unknown pain in their lives, or otherwise well-intentioned, but can make the world a tentative scary place for a kid.  Meals not quite so predictable, or love expressed only with “strings attached”.

So the cute cooperative girl knows that her parents respond to sweetness, cuteness and so learns to be coy and appealing to keep her parents engaged--feeling like they get preoccupied with the country club and work, but love showing off their adorable princess.

The confrontational boy knows that no one is gonna protect him except him, and so he takes on the world as an enemy and lets no one in—that way no one can hurt him.

The helpful hardworking girl realizes that’s how she can sustain an overworked exhausted single mom and ensure there is some room at the end of the day for some TLC for her.

The little boys figures out that when he disappears during conflict, the fight doesn't escalate, he doesn’t get as hurt, doesn't have to see his mom get pushed around (how scary is that for a kid!) and it will be quiet when his dad passes out in a drunken stupor.

Kids aren’t consciously manipulative…just trying to get through life in a world that seems scary and is perceived as unpredictable.  Kids, without a lot of resources, develop a tool that works and use it—generally effectively.  The family system absorbs and adapts to this strategy. The examples are very clear, often a child's fear, and their coping strategies are much more subtle than the above circumstances.

Problem is that when you get to adulthood, the types of situations a person encounters requires more than the one standard approach that worked over and over again earlier in a person’s life.  It’s like having a hammer—works well when your problem is a nail, but not every challenge is a nail. Suddenly what worked so well as a kid, now does not address the adult situations successfully.

When we are anxious, our default position is to go back to the “tried and true” strategies that we learnt were essential (and successful) to our survival over the decades.  

So the cute, adorable girl finds that being cute and adorable attracts men easily and she is well cared for but sets her up to be manipulated by men who take advantage of her.

The confrontational boy becomes a man who becomes defensive whenever challenged--his wife has no way to raise a concern without him blaming her...and gradually she learns to be quiet and not "ruffle his feathers"--though she loves him, she pulls away over time as a matter of survival.

The hardworking girl discovers there are only 24 hours in a day, and when her marriage is in trouble, she can’t fix it by working harder—she’s already exhausted by her efforts—and so she becomes yet more unavailable to her husband as she pushes herself even harder.

The withdrawing little boy loves his wife dearly, but pulls away and retreats to his workshop when she needs to process a disappointment, or flashes anger towards him—and she is left feeling alone and abandoned—and he can’t understand why she becomes disengaged over the years.

It can be a profound revelation to a spouse to realize that what is happening during conflict is actually a response to anxiety…an anxiety response gone awry.  Imagine going from:  “My husband abandons me when I need him the most” becomes: “My husband distances from his feelings of anxiety when I challenge him on something”.  The goal of therapy is to have the individual (or couple) be able to stay in the situation, understand that the behavior is an anxiety response, and to calm oneself in other ways so as to reduce the anxiety enough that alternate strategies can be employed.

Many times, couples come in to “learn communication skills”…which has me chuckle.  These are people who are highly competent communicators professionally and with friends.  They have all the communication skills that they need.  What they don’t have is access to all these communication skills during times of conflict with their spouse…because the anxiety of not feeling fully loved and accepted by a spouse has them going back to the basic skill they used most earlier in his/her life.  

It’s not communication skills that are needed in that situation, it’s safety—ensuring that each partner is aware at a profound and deep level that they are loved, safe and deeply accepted by their partner…and with the anxiety out of the way, a couple is free to communicate effectively.

Imagine this, if you can (and if you can remember high school, you can):

Two girlfriends, wired and getting more wound up by the moment, in that high school, hand flapping (picture Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality ) sort of way:

The first one says:  I called my new boyfriend, and he didn’t answer the phone!  What does this mean?
Her friend says:  Oh no.  Hmm…I did see him talking to Britney, the new girl in school the other day.
First one:  You’re kidding!  You think he might be with her, right now?
Friend: Dunno, mebbe.
First one: Come to think of it, he wasn’t home the day before either…THAT time he said he went to 7-11 for a Slurpee “by himself”…a likely story, it seems.
Friend: So, he has been two-timing you, huh?
First one: I can’t believe it.  First what’s-his-name, then this guy. Where (said in a plaintive wailing voice) will it end?  Am I doomed to a life of cheating guys.
Friend:  That’s it.  You can’t trust guys. You just can’t.
First one:  My life is ruined!!!! (notice the multiple exclamation marks)

Now, of course, this is hyperbole, and certainly not how many adolescent girls would behave, but you understand my point. (And, if you’ve been in high school, you might change the circumstances, but you’ve been in a conversation with that sort of catastrophic tone to it.  Just saying.)

The above is what’s known in the counselling business as a “positive feedback loop” that is spiraling/escalating.  As one hears the panic and concern of the other, the other springboards higher, and then the response it one of yet another springboard higher, and so on.

Imagine now, that the positive feedback loop isn’t between excessively histrionic adolescents, but between your brain and your body.  Your boss comes to you and says:  My office.  5 minutes.  You and me.

Your heart sinks—you’ve heard the tone and know it’s serious.  Your brain feels your heart sinks, and remembers that feeling—the last time you had that feeling, something really really bad happened.  Your brain, faster than you can put into words, senses trouble with that sensation.  Your body gets the message of trouble, and your stomach roils and turns, your face gets hot, and your heart starts to pound.  Your brain feels all the energy and heat, and knows that this feeling is “PANIC”.  Once your brain registers “PANIC”, your body has no choice but to respond with a full blown anxiety reaction--an adrenaline rush with increased blood pressure, insulin release, increased muscle tension and a host of other automatic reactions—including the part of the brain that reasons well in a sophisticated fashion begins to decline in function!

Now, if you’re in the woods, a bear is rapidly approaching, this is a perfectly adaptive response!  However, too often, this escalating feedback loop happens in a maladaptive way…and at times, unnecessarily…the boss might merely be letting you know she needs to leave town for a few days unexpectedly and needs you to cover for her.

In therapy, a therapist will often spend some time with the client deciding where the best spot is to break that feedback loop…break the cycle, and the reaction doesn’t escalate (Picture the high school friend saying: You know, you should try again in an hour…maybe he just went skateboarding.)  Sometimes the opportune spot in the cycle happens with the brain with dealing with the thoughts/feelings and sometimes with the body and it’s reactions (or occasionally both).  Body work can include breathing, meditation, prayer, yoga, and a host of relaxation sorts of strategies.  Brain work looks at where it learned to read body responses in the way it does, and to remove barriers to dealing with the current situation for what it actually is (as opposed to, “I imagine (in light of my body)…”

The important thing is to break the cycle so as to stop the escalating spin.  Often just working with a client to understanding where the cycle “gets traction” is enough to start making a difference.  Mindfulness is a powerful way to monitor reactions and then get some control over them.

Sounds hokey?  Don’t dismiss the idea too quickly.  My experience is that many are not consciously aware of what their body is feeling, and how your brain is interpreting those bodily sensations…an important component of counselling can be just slowing things down to have a person slowly begin to discover their body’s sensations.

Yet more on anxiety in a few days.