Topic: Living Well

I went white water rafting the other day down the Sunwapta River near Jasper, Alberta.  Level 3 rafting...not for the faint of heart, helmets required.  It was a blast...a little terrifying to anticipate, but a blast to remember.


As part of making it a great experience, Jeff, our guide, spent a lot of time teaching us how to do it, and how to do it safely.


As he spent time teaching us, I found that his lessons aren't just good for white water rafting, but for life. 

Lessons learned:

Sometimes life is what it is, and that can be OK. 
If you worked for a white water rafting company and you had a choice between driving a van and careening down the river on a white water raft, which, do you imagine, you would prefer?  Jeff, our boat guide, and his partner both wanted the fun job.
It's not the first or the last time that a decision is made by "rock paper scissors".  Sometimes there is no obvious way for 2 people to decide who should get their way.  Sometimes in life there isn't a "win/win" possibility. It can be OK.  Jeff's partner had an extra few minutes to work on his tan, even though he didn't get his first choice. He had a sense of humor and chose to enjoy the day even though he didn't get his choice.

When facing a challenge, having the proper tools makes all the difference.
Early morning weather in the mountains is chilly.  Water that was part of a glacier just hours before is chillier.  They gave us wet suits, fleecey sweaters, rain jackets, gloves, and water boots.  Helmets.  Life jackets.  I felt safe going down the river with all of that stuff.  I felt comfortable and able to enjoy the experience.  Being armed with the right equipment to handle our adventure prepared us to handle what was ahead.
Do you have a budget to handle your finances?  Does a financial planner help you figure out what you can afford?  Do you have a plan for the next time a discussion gets heated, and one of you wants to leave? Get the tools.  'Nuff said.

Safety is #1. 
Learn more than you expect you will need to ensure you will be safe.  You need to know what to do when you're scared before you are scared.  Knowing what to do will keep you calm.  Staying calm in the crisis is critical to safely making it through.
Jeff taught us what to do if we fall out of the boat.  He taught us an offensive swim and a defensive swim.  He taught us what to do around tree branches that are in the water or just above the water.  He taught us what to do if the boat capsizes.  He taught us how to catch a safety line.  I could go on.  They are rarely needed, but when you need them, you REALLY need them. We ended up needing none of these skills, but we had them if we needed them.  The over-preparation made the whole thing a lot more fun--we were prepared for what could happen.  If there is one thing I've learned in counselling, its how much people avoid situations that are frightening and they don't know how to handle. (And then how much they lose out!)  Learning strategies for situations which frighten can be invaluable in moving forward.  Often a person doesn't need all those strategies because life turns out to be a lot less scary than anticipated, but having those skills makes approaching the feared task possible. (whether it be asking a girl out, or applying for a first job, or having a conversation about money with your spouse)

Learning happens best when calm. 
Doing something for the first time when stressed doesn't work so good.
Jeff taught us the instructions he was going to use, and modeled them at the side of the river.  Then he let the boat in at a place that had quiet waters, and we practiced what we needed to learn on still seas.  When we got to the rough stuff, we were competent in our ability to listen to his instructions. We could quickly follow his instructions because they were a solid part of our repertoire of skills. Practice is important.  Don't expect to effectively use your newly found conflict resolution skills when using them for the first time "in the heat of the moment".  Practicing when calm may seem silly, but if it works for white water rafting, why not for conflict, too?

Working together as a team takes practice.  Working together as a team is fun.  Working as a team is effective.
There were five of us in the boat...we were taught to follow the rowers at the front of the boat.  The two rowers at the front of the boat learned to use eye contact and head signals to row in tandem...and the rest of us followed behind.  We needed to work together to make it down the road safely. We weren't perfect, but we worked at it and got better. 

Smile but keep paddling.
Jeff let us know that the driver would be taking photo of us half way down the rapids.  He wanted us to smile for the camera...he also wanted us to keep paddling.  Wise words. Sometime in the middle of doing great, we stop to admire ourselves, and the ball gets dropped.

When you achieve something big, celebrate with the team. 
Our junior member christened us "Team Fearless" and at various points after passing some challenging rapids, Jeff had us bring our oars together in a "toast" in the center of the boat, and at the end of his "3-2-1" count, we all cheered with our team name.

"Feel the looooove". 
Jeff reminded us that the fun part of white water rafting is getting wet...while that seems obvious, keep in mind that this is glacier water--temperature 3 degrees Celsius.  Getting wet suddenly seemed intimidating.  He encouraged us to embrace and enjoy getting wet.  We took turns leaning out over the front of the boat like hood ornaments during the roughest parts...had a chance to "feel the love".  His encouragement was instrumental in me deciding that I would give myself this opportunity to experience it.  This was a "bucket list experience" for me--it isn't something I'm likely to repeat again in the near future or at all--I could play it safe or I could grab the experience and squeeze it. Too often we label experiences as "good" or "bad" and lose the opportunity to see it differently, and enjoy what the experience has to offer. Sometimes entering a tough discussion about a difficult topic with full frontal energy can lead to exhilirating success.

Even when working hard in adverse conditions, don't forget to look around and enjoy the beauty that surrounds you.
It would have been a shame to miss the mountains, the sunshine, the trees.  Focusing only on the challenge meant we would have missed a huge part of the experience.  Life is more than the immediate stressor, and it's beautiful.  Wow, was it beautiful.

Thanx for the lessons, Jeff.

I'm alive...that's something to be grateful for.

Every once in a while,  the Maker of Life has an opportunity to teach me something that affirms that truth--all the more valuable a lesson when I'm not feeling it.

Let me tell you the story…I’ll try to leave out painstaking details--some of which make the story even more powerful for me and may bore you, but include enough to make it become clear.

I bought a car last week. That’s a huge deal for me. Huge. It was purchased with careful thought, and growing excitement. I was to pick it up last Saturday.

Last Friday when we completed the purchase paperwork, they said to pick it up on Monday instead to allow them to have it properly cleaned. It was 2 days…no big deal.

On Monday, picked up the car, but the last of the paperwork to allow me to insure it wasn’t ready. Told me to come on Tuesday.

I was on my way to the dealership on Tuesday when they told me it still wasn’t ready. They called Wednesday, still not ready. Thursday it was ready—I picked the all important TOD up moments before closing.

Friday, I dashed away from work after a full day and got to Autopac 45 minutes before closing to get insurance for the car. Whew! Problem. They gave me the wrong “Transfer of Ownership Document”. It was for another car. After multiple calls to MPI—with lengthy waiting on hold, and back and forth to the dealership--again being on hold--we realized insuring it was not possible. 

The fellow helping me with this insurance was irate…and to his credit, not at me, even though it was my dealings that kept him in his business 45 minutes after closing time on a summer Friday afternoon. He was  angry on my behalf, at what he perceived was the ineptness of the dealership. He coached me on how angry to be, and what kind of compensation to demand—it was nice to feel his support. Don’t know yet how and when I’ll be able to insure this vehicle…but I expect it will happen. The dealership is working on it.

He asked me if I was the type to get angry. And I replied that at that moment, I wasn’t so angry as I was feeling “beaten”…one thing on top of another at the end of a busy week in a busy month in a busy life.

I hadn’t been home for 5 minutes after now what had been an 11 hour day of  tasks, when I got a text to go pick up the youngest of our pack at a friend’s house. He had gone with friends to the funeral for the spouse of a loved teacher that day. I breathed deeply, and got up, feeling sorry for myself now…I needed a break but I had to get moving again.

I pulled up at the house, and M, my friend, came out of the house. Moving much more slowly than usual, he very quietly and deliberately said, “We got a call from Ontario less than an hour ago. My father died.” He stood there quietly, blank stare, mutely, shock clearly having its hold.

In an instant, his world had changed. He may be in his mid-50’s, but he is now an orphan. His father, the one who gave him life, raised him, supported him, and known him—that father was gone. 

I had just been ready to tell him the drama of the car saga, on the tip of my lips, “You’ll never believe what happened to me today…” Suddenly, it was irrelevant, forgotten, and my internal reaction was one of vague foolishness. What had seemed so overwhelming just a few minutes ago was inconsequential, really.

We left after a few minutes of conversation, with him and his wife sitting on the stoop of their house, in silent stillness; shocked grief.

Next morning—yesterday, I was invited to a brunch at Pine Ridge Hollow (I highly recommend the buckwheat pancakes with lemon and ricotta) for a dear friend, R, who turned 50. R had invited a dozen or so women that were dearest to her to celebrate this milestone with her…and it was an honor to be included in that number.

As she welcomed us, she told us a story. Fourteen years ago this week, R had been at a party with friends from high school, celebrating the birth of a baby of one of their classmates. After a wonderful evening of food and friendship, someone suggested that they gather every year to celebrate. Someone then asked, “What would we celebrate the next year?” R’s best friend since high school, suffering from advanced cancer, leaned over and quietly spoke in her ear, “We can celebrate life.  We can celebrate being here."

R’s best friend lost her battle with cancer, and died less than a month after saying that.

So, remembering that,, R had gathered the women most important to her, and said, “So, today we celebrate life. We celebrate that we can be here. We celebrate that we are here.”

It reminded me of an experience I had many years ago, when I attended FAME (First African Methodist Episcopalian) church in South Los Angeles. It is a place of heaven in the midst of an area that was at the time, being challenged by gangs and socio-economic issues of enormous magnitude. The pastor opened the service with a booming prayer that was spoken with power, “Thank you Lord, that we awoke in our right minds this morning.” The people around me murmered their assent with this prayer…in the crime riddled neighborhood, just being able to awaken alive was something that was truly treasured. This was no idle prayer spoken offhandedly…these people were grateful for life and breath in a way that I take for granted.

I went for a walk this morning, admiring the greenery, the trees, the flowers, the life of cyclists and runners and babies in bike trailers. I was alive, and I was grateful. And life is good. The hassles and realities of life still exist, but my perspective has changed, and they move from the foreground to be replaced, front and center, by an appreciation of life itself.

Have a day of feeling alive. Revel in breath and life. Celebrate that you are here.

Insanity:  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Albert Einstein

In All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, Robert Fulghum tells of the day he was left with eighty boys and girls, all five years old.  It was his job to keep these children occupied for one hour, a seemingly, impossible task.  In desperation he remembered the game "Giants, Wizards, and Dwarfs," which is similar to "Rock, Paper, Scissors".  It required each child, on command to pair with another child and act out being a giant, a wizard, or a dwarf.  The giant beat the wizard, the wizard beat the dwarf, and the dwarf beat the giant.  Fulghum let the children run around for a few minutes to wear them out, and then he yelled, "Giants, Wizards, and Dwarfs!!"  Organized chaos ensued as the children each found a partner, began acting out either a giant, a wizard, or a dwarf, and then tried to decide who won.
While this noisy mayhem was in progress, Fulghum felt a tug on his pant leg.  He looked down to see five-year-old girl with huge blue eyes looking up at him.  "Yes," he said.
The little girl replied, "Um, where do the mermaids go?" Even though Fulghum had made it clear there were only three categories in this game, the little girl was not deterred.  She was saying in unmistakable term, "You may believe that only giants, wizards, and dwarfs exist, Mr. Fulghum, but you are wrong! I am a mermaid. Deal with it."
I admire the little girl.  She refused to accept that the categories given to choose from were the only ones.  She understood her calling.  She knew who she was.
Eugene Peterson pointed out once that most of us spend our lives "impersonating ourselves".  Children are who they are.  It doesn't take long before we have convinced them that they are what they wear, or what they do, or what they have, or what they look like.  But if our children are lucky, we convince them early on to resist caricature or illusion.

from Dangerous Wonder: The Adventure of Childlike Faith
Michael Yaconelli

 
Love this story. I've been mulling over the phrase "impersonating ourselves".  It made sense to me as I've thought about some people I know who are truly, fully themselves--and the sparkle of their soul shines through.  And others who look like they are trying, and self-conscious, and looking around being and doing what others expect, wanting to create an image that others will approve of, so when they go home and ask themselves, "What will others think?" they will have an answer that feels satisfactory.  That's painful to watch...and likely even more painful to be.

Live out  your inner mermaid (or beaver, or butterfly, or cheetah, or housefly, or chipmunk or...) today!

Last installment....bet you're glad I'm about done!

This is it:  Inspiration is all around us...when we see it and look for it, and allow ourselves to be inspired by it...well, LOOK OUT WORLD!!  Here I come!


The above photo is of an impossibly little guy who is out with his dad enjoying the fresh air in Calgary.  He is on a running bike.  It is a bike all right, but with no pedals.  He just makes it go with his feet.  And boy, could he make that thing go!  I read about these bikes...they are to help children learn to ride a two wheeler.  The old way of learning a bicycle was with training wheels (many still use these), but these actually teach pedalling, not balance.  The child is still using the extra wheels to balance.  With a running bike, they learn balance before pedalling.  I went on You Tube and there were kids just a year and a half old with the balance of a bicycle all figured out.

I was inspired to remember that often when faced with a problem, we use the same old tried and true methods because that is what others know and suggest, and that is what is familiar, and obvious.  However, these running bikes are such an obvious and wonderful alternative to a traditional bicycle and so clearly teach balance in a simple and clear way.  New alternatives sometimes just require a new approach to the problem, and a willingness to be creative and playful and fun.

Inspiration #2:

In Calgary, in amongst the 21 volleyball courts in the Olympic Speedskating Oval (quite a sight to see, in itself!) was a smaller court for sitting volleyball, an alternative sport for those with mobility issues.  Wow, it was fun to watch.  It was inspirational to be reminded that when something doesn't work in the usual way, there are ways to find alternatives to be able to be a team, to get fit, to practice a skill, to develop expertise, to get healthy.  Man, could these women play!  Sitting volleyball has its own international league with specific rules and qualifications.  Cool.

Inspiration #3:

This man needs no explanation about why he is inspiring.  It's pretty obvious given his "Man in Motion" tour that circled the globe.  Incredible.

Rick Hansen is gesturing here to a young volleyball player as he is telling the story of how Rick Mercer of the Mercer Report got him to go bungee jumping.  They strapped him and his whole wheelchair to the bungee cord and he "went for it".  He chuckled pretty good telling the story--only I'm not so sure he was chuckling when he originally jumped.  He was using the story to encourage this young fella to calm his nerves, breathe deeply and serve hard--to "go for it". 

Mr. Hansen was at the tournament on a couple of days, and I admired his ability to smile, shake hands and pose for pictures, exchanging cheerful conversation with any who stopped to talk to him.  That was also inspiring to me...there are times when it is hard to smile and extend a hand, and it was good to have this moment to remember at those times.

Inspiration is closely related to hope.  Grab inspiration wherever you can find it.  Squeeze hope when you can.

What goes for ducks, also goes for people sometimes. Last weekend, I was reminded powerfully that what is easy and (on the surface) appealing isn't always what is good for us. 

While on the weekend, living away at from my computer, I had no opportunity to play "Tetris".  I am, by nature, a person who likes to improve my skills.  And when I tried Tetris, I was pitiful at it.  And I took up the challenge to get better and to increase my level in the game. When I was getting overwhelmed with the tasks of work, it was fun to go play a game (or two or three) where I could feel improvement and have a sense of competence and control. In the bigger picture however, I did realize that it was not actually getting things done, and that the developing sense of competence involved a game which has no real helpful application to my life...it was simply a form of avoidance.  On the weekend, away from the computer, I couldn't play it, so I didn't play it, and I had a chance to read a book, I enjoyed my run, and I realized I didn't need, and actually didn't want it...it was "junk time" in my life, rather like potato chips or a chocolate bar is junk food to the diet (or white bread to a goose!).

I made a promise to myself to not play Tetris through the end of June.  I've had to stop myself a couple of times from going to Tetris, to stay on task at work, to get the task done, so that I can feel good about accomplishing more while I'm at the computer, and then be able to get off the computer, so I can get to clearing that shelf, making some cookies, pulling some weeds, going for a walk, or reading a book...something that is not "junk time".

I don't want my life to become dependent on time spenders that are of very low nutritional value.

Each of us has choices to use our time wisely, invest in relationships wisely.

• Do you sometimes watch a movie with a friend/spouse, when conversation would be more worthwhile? 
  
• Have you chosen to eat dinner in front of the TV instead of across the table from each other?
  
• Have you chosen to have "conversation lite" instead of digging into your financial situation or the way you hurt each other in that arguement last night? 

Avoid the "white bread" of spending time which results in low nutritional value of time spent.  Dig deeply, look for the real nutritious way of getting good fiber and nutrients out of your time, investing in relationships and yourself in rich, satisfying and lifegiving ways.

Unselfconscious pursuit of creating a good space for oneself is a remarkably beautiful thing.

Last weekend, the hotel I stayed at was close to Chinatown in Calgary, and the foods and sights and sounds was heavily influenced by Asian culture.  The shrimp wonton soup was wonderful!

I had a chance to see Tai Chi being practiced at various points of my run.  There was something quite wonderful about seeing an elderly man quietly, slowly and peacefully making controlled movements as he was looking out over the water at a scenic location along my running route.  There was a group of younger people in a circle silently and gently moving in synchonicity with each other as I peered through the branches into a clearing.  Another man was on stage of a community outdoor theatre.  He wasn't performing, facing out to an imaginary audience--he was facing the back of the stage elegantly moving a flag in time to some internal time honored patterns that have long become a part of them.


Pictures don't adequately capture the beauty of this ancient practice being done in the middle of the city.  I held my breath and couldn't pull my eyes away from the oasis of tranquility that each person created for themselves.  While there were people walking by, they seemed quite unaware and unselfconscious as they slowly and meditatively moved. It created a sacred space which had me, someone who doesn't even know tai chi, benefitting from even just watching it.

It reminded me to pursue quietness and exercise and centredness and wholeness to remind myself of my inner core--that the busy-ness of life doesn't need to crowd out stillness.  That I can find ways to nurture my soul and I need to do so without wondering how the others around me will react. 

Sometimes a change is as good as a rest.  I had a chance to take a break from regular life and I took it...and it was good.

While I was in Calgary this weekend, I gloried in the chance to do some extra runs, breathe deeply and spend some time to myself (in the mornings)...and in the afternoons and evenings I would spend time at a gigantic volleyball tournament in the Olympic Speedskating Oval at the University of Calgary.

A change pushes a person to see things differently...and things that I've known suddenly come alive in new ways.  I hope to share a bunch of these with you over the next days.

Lesson #1 that was reinforced to me was about "Perspective".  We have choices in this life about which direction we choose to look in.  That can make a big difference.

My morning running route was downtown.  This is a typical view of downtown and what I saw:

Skyscrapers, cranes, construction, and one building after another.  Big city, big time...noise, clutter, overwhelming busy-ness.  I am a "city girl" and so it is fun to be amongst the hustle and bustle, but there is stress inherent in the downtown that a person can just feel.

If I stood in the exact same spot, but turned 180 degrees, this is what I saw:

Greenery, a beautiful river, trees, ducks and other wildlife...it was truly peaceful. No kidding...all I did was turn around in the exact same spot to snap the second photo.

It was a startling reminder to me that I have choices in a situation, and I can choose to look in one direction at a situation or look in the opposite direction and see something very different.

• I can focus on the friend who's betrayed me, or the many many friends who have not.
• I can focus and be completely discouraged on a particular business challenge, or I can deal with that challenge in light of all the other things that are happening, many of which are positive.
• It's tempting to focus on a part of me that is frustrated or sad, and ignore the parts of me that have hope and optimism--if I don't look at the parts of me that enjoy life, it's easy to forget that they are there.
  

I'm not talking about being naive, and pretending that struggles/challenges/disappointments don't exist...but we can deal with them like that is the whole picture, or understand that there is a larger context.  That context, if taken in, changes how we deal with the rest of it. 

I could choose to feel like I was in the middle of a busy city, or that I was in a green oasis...and that was shaped by where I chose to focus.  By turning my head, I could change my experience of the run.  This weekend, I was into "soul care"...I didn't have business in this city, and I chose to focus almost exclusively on the babbling water, the furry ducklings, and the green of the grass and trees. 

The way I turned my head this weekend refreshed me.

Today, I choose to be aware that the city is on my left, but I focus on the park like beauty on my right.

I like to be thorough when I do something. Do a job as I'm told, and do it well.  That's not an unusual characteristic of someone.  So...watch the video and see if you can do a good job at the assigned task:
Did you get the right number?

But did it prevent you from seeing what else was there?

When I saw this video this morning, it reminded me a little about my week.  I had a major deadline on Wednesday--tons of work involving putting in numerous hours doing research and compiling the project, with  the writing of it requiring careful excellence.  I had to lead a significant meeting on Monday evening.  The delivery of some meals that I was supposed to drop off at 2 new moms' houses that I had prepared on the weekend turned out to be more of a hassle than it needed to be--in trying to be efficient, I ended up tripling the work to get the job done--so much for my brilliance in trying to think ahead.  I had an event Wednesday evening that kept me hopping after a lecture Wednesday afternoon...I'd been up late the night before preparing the powerpoint.  And I'd had a personal disappointment this week when something I'd hoped would go well, didn't.  So...I was stressed, pressured, and somewhat discouraged. 

And then I noticed the weather was cold.  My cough wasn't getting any better either.  And we were running low on milk...and a sick family member drank straight from the jug--when he KNOWS BETTER!!  You can see where I'm going with this. I could go on, but I think I've made my point. I started counting the ball tosses of a certain color in my life, and was getting to be really really good at finding lots of the same when I was focused on looking for them.    By Thursday, I was feeling kinda sorry for myself and the unfortunate week I was having.

The deadlines passed, the sun was shining during the day and I went for a beautiful walk on Thursday evening. 

After I saw the video, I decided to look for "the moon walking gorillas" in my life that I may have missed this week...and when I played back the events of the week, I was able to find them.  The kitchen was cleaned impeccably on Tueday evening in response to a hastily jotted note I'd left on the door--WOW! It was done--and the water was boiled and the tea cup prepared for my arrival home, waiting on the counter.  I'd shared some laughs with people at work, and we'd enjoyed some moments of humor.  There were details of the project that came together smoother than expected, and Melanie, our office manager had put the finishing details on the project in a way that had us feeling great about our work.  I found sprouts in my garden! When I took my focus off one particular way of looking at the week, and changed my perspective to include what I'd previously shut out with my negativity filter, there was a whole lot more to celebrate and enjoy than I'd realized.  I'd gone through the week with a tone of discouragement, when there was more balance there than I could see at the time.

Next week, I plan to be looking at the activities of the white team AND the black team in my days, to find the silver linings in the clouds of life, to acknowledge and celebrate the full spectrum of life.

How 'bout you?