Topic: Living Well

“…the same elements that make a movie meaningful are the ones that make a life meaningful. I knew a character had to face his greatest fears. "...the same elements that make a movie meaningful are the ones that make a life meaningful.  I knew a character had to face his greatest fears. That's the stuff of good story…

...most of our greatest fears are relational. It’s all that stuff about forgiveness and risking rejection and learning to love. We think stories are about getting money and security, but the truth is, it all comes down to relationship. I tried not to think about that stuff, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I knew a story was calling me. I knew I was going to have to see if my father was alive. And once you know what it takes to live a better story, you don’t have a choice. Not living a better story would be like deciding to die, deciding to walk around numb until you die, and it’s not natural to want to die.”

I’ve been continuing to slowly read through Miller’s book…looking at “story”, and it’s role in our lives. The above paragraph hits me square between the eyes…it’s a powerful one. I’m not the only one who thinks so…I’m reading it on Kindle, and 214 other people have highlighted the above section in the book.

Sometimes, when I read something, I feel “understood” by the book…like it’s said something I think or feel, but says it clearer than I’ve ever been able to think it…but when I read it, I feel like it says something that’s powerful and important, and says it better than I could have said it…although even though I haven’t said it exactly like this, it actually is something I’ve been thinking. Have I made any sense at all on this to you? ☺

So, anyways, having been a counsellor for years, and watched people struggle and triumph, argue and reconcile, take risks and feel the rewards…it feels “true”.

For example, a client will come asking for help in a particular area, say for help in not being jealous about a girlfriend’s contact with males…and we work on that area…and as we do so, growth in that area spurs on thoughts and feelings of discouragement and frustrations--and opportunity--in other areas. And a client will find themselves “walking taller” in general, or feeling “like the world is a warmer place”, having greater confidence at the workplace, and being more assertive with store clerks in ways which generate smiles and friendliness. People find themselves invited to a better story, and feel a compulsion to walk into that story, and are the richer for it. It’s risky, because it means facing “relational” fears…but the payoffs from one area make it worthwhile to try in another.

Being a counselor watching people take these risks and enjoy the fruits of entering better stories is one of the unspeakable holy perks of my role here in ways that are awe-inspiring and humbling. They challenge me to be a part of a better story too…and because I then learn, as Miller speaks of, what the better story looks like, and what it is and how it feels, I’m called out of any relational complacency I might be in…being personally numb isn’t so easy when I work with people who are experiencing the joy of living the richer story.

It is an unspeakable privilege to walk with people into their “better story” that they feel called to and thus then search for. And, as a human being witnessing relational risk around “all that stuff about forgiveness and risking rejection and learning to love”, there’s something profoundly compelling about being a witness to it.  It affects me deeply as a human being, beyond providing a professional service as a therapist. There’s something incredibly life about being a therapist,that implicitly places a challenge to call me to my own “better story”.

I've been reading A Million Miles in a Thousand years, by Donald Miller lately...a quirky, funny, thought provoking read.

An excerpt I especially found myself coming back to is begins as the author is chatting with a friend whose daughter is caught up with a “bad news” boyfriend, and is experimenting with drugs:

“I told him about the stuff I’d learned, that the elements of a story involve a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. Even as I said this I wasn’t sure how it applied to his daughter…she’s just not living a very good story. She’s caught up in a bad one.”

A couple of months later I ran into Jason and asked about his daughter. “She’s better,” he said to me, smiling. And when I asked why, he told me his family was living a better story.

The night after we talked, Jason couldn’t sleep. He thought about the story his daughter was living and the role she was playing inside that story. He realized he hadn’t provided a better role for his daughter. He hadn’t mapped out a story for his family. And so his daughter had chosen another story, a story in which she was wanted, even if she was only being used. In the absence of a family story, she’d chosen a story in which there was risk and adventure, rebellion and independence. “She’s not a bad girl,” my friend said. “She was just choosing the best story available to her.”

I pictured his daughter flipping throughout the channels of life, as it were, stopping on a story that seemed most compelling at the moment, a story that offered her something, anything, because people can’t live without a story, without a role to play. “So how did you get her out of it?” I asked. And I couldn’t believe what he told me next. Jason decided to stop yelling at his daughter and instead, created a better story to invite her into. He remembered that a story involves a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it.

…So, Jason invites his family to join him in building an orphanage in Mexico, an ambitious project for this average family. After initial horror from his wife, his wife (his distant wife whom he hadn’t gotten along with all that well, for a while) tells him she’s proud of him, allows it was a mistake to spring this on her, and that probably bigger mistakes would be made as they actually took on getting this orphanage built. Their daughter, very much not impressed at first, after a time suggests that they visit the orphanage as it is being built so that she can post pictures on her website.

"And you know what else, man? Jason said, “She broke up with her boyfriend last week. She had his picture on her dresser and took it down and told me he said she was too fat. “…

“…that’s done now,” Jason said, shaking his head. “No girl who plays the role of a hero dates a guy who uses her. She knows who she is. She just forgot for a little while.”

Donald Miller (bolded lines mine)

I love this idea of inviting our children to a better story.  It got me thinking about what sort of story I have invited myself to be in.  Do I like the plot...is the plot big enough with dream to outlast my lifetime, ones that challenge and inspire me to be more than who I am? Do I value the other players, and allow them to develop their characters in ways that grow and challenge themselves and me? Do I want to invite myself into a different story...a better story, one with greater richness?

Are you inspired by the story you have created.  Is there a better story you would like to invite yourself into? 

So…

• as we say goodbye to summer and approach the upcoming winter (which is never a good thing in my books),
  
• as I continue to get used to the early rising hour that fall routine requires (I am SO not a morning person),
  
• as I spent an hour today talking to 50 students (while I’m no longer a nervous wreck doing it, I don’t relish the loooong opportunity to potentially make a fool of myself with the next sentence I might say), and
  
• as I take a junior tribe member to a walk in clinic (where the wait is hours long, and we wait unknown news),
  

I decided I would look for the little moments of joy… This is rather in keeping with Brene Brown’s recent blog entry that talked about joy like this:

I think the beauty of twinkle lights is the perfect metaphor for joy.
Joy is not a constant. It comes in us in moments—often ordinary moments. Sometime we miss out on the bursts of joy because we’re too busy chasing down the extraordinary moments. Other times we’re so afraid of the dark that we don’t dare let ourselves enjoy the light.
A joyful life is not a floodlight of joy. That would eventually become unbearable.
I believe a joyful life is made up of joyful moments gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude and inspiration.

I’ve kept up my gratitude journal…which has me be deliberate about capturing snapshots of joy in my day. It's continued to help me shape my world...knowing I will have a chance to write in it, has me anticipating what I will say as I go about my day...I begin enjoying the entry hours before I write it.

Today’s twinkles of joy:

• The smell of the roasting hotdogs and cooked onions at the hotdog stand at the Health Sciences Center…walking past that stand on my way to the car from class just had it feel like full-on-summer for a minute. The smell of BarBQ is a powerful twinkle in my mind. mmmm mmmmmm
• Remembering how the lady with a full cart let me go ahead of her with 4 items. She didn’t have to do it…and she was so friendly and nonchalant about it. (May I remember to pay this forward).
  
• Seeing my favorite little toddler after what felt like "too long" since seeing her…and the delight I had when she gestured to my purse because she remembered… “our thing”, her and I, is to play with my iPhone’s camera…we look at ourselves in the camera, and point to noses and eyes, and generally gaze in wonder at what we see in the camera. This is her “posed smile” look which only looks painful…it’s really her scrunching up her little face into what she imagines is cute (and gosh darn it, it is)!
  
• The chance to be bored together with my junior tribe member today while we were waiting. So often, life rushes by, and there’s little chance to hang out with little to do, and less to talk about…just hanging out, and finding some companionable peace in the quiet…sort of like sitting in a boat and fishing…except without the poles and sitting in a doctor’s office.
  

 Did you have any moments of joy twinkling in your day?

Shawn Achor looks at the "happiness advantage"...by looking at people that are particularly successful in life satisfaction and effectiveness, he discovered that what puts a person in optimal position to be effective/happy/content.  I posted a blog of him a few weeks ago...but the TEDx talk where I first saw him has now been published on YouTube.  He's funny and engaging and says some very important truths.

When in reality, if I know everything about your external world, I can only predict 10% of your long term happiness. Ninety per cent of your long term happiness is predicted not by the external world, but by the way your brain processes the world. If we change our formula for happiness and success, what we can do is change the way we can then change the way we can then affect reality.

What we found is that only 25% of job successes is predicted by IQ. Seventy five per cent of job successes are predicted by your optimism levels, your social supports, and your ability to see stress as a challenge instead of as a threat.

We need to reverse the formula for happiness and success…if you can raise somebody’s level of positivity in the present…your brain in “positive” performs significantly better than in “negative/neutral/stressed”. Your intelligence rises, your creativity rises, your energy level rises…your brain in positive is 31% more productive than in negative/netural/stressed....

We find there are ways to train your brain to be more positive….

• 3 Gratitudes

• Journalling

• Exercise

• Meditation

• Random Acts of Kindness

This is big, folks.  It gives each of us an ability to work internally to regulate our emotions, to change our perspective to one that has us feeling satisfied and content.  This places us in a position to be relaxed, calm, and effective in our endeavors, taking irritations/failures/disappointments as real and important but tolerable and not overwhelming.

This spring, I came across the raw footage of this talk, watched his further videos and began reading another book that had an important impact on me, One Thousand Gifts.  It further got me to thinking about the value of adopting a lifestyle posture of gratitude.

After teaching at the university for the last decade, I take research very seriously. I like to base my actions not only on “common sense”, but whenever possible on concrete evidence as well. Makes for good therapy…the development of our Feedback Enhanced Therapy has been a direct example of that. Makes for a good life too. So about two months ago, I began a gratitude blog…a private blog. Don’t look for it, you won’t find it. It’s for me. More days than not, I take time in the evening to reflect on the day, and tap out a half dozen or more things that I am grateful for that day. 

What I find has begun to happen is that as the day goes along, I’ll notice something, and say to myself…”I’ll have to put that in the blog”, and so, in the moment, I'm finding myself grateful. I put in videos on the blog that I am grateful for, pictures of events and people that are special to me, but more often than not, just write out what I’m thankful for. Kindnesses people have extended to me, beauty that has caught my eye, conversations that were meaningful. Sometimes little silly things….like the cost of cherries being such that I can eat them everyday, or feeling the cool mist from a sprinkler as I walk by it on a scorching day. Sometimes things that move me...like on a hard day recently, when I showed up at Starbucks with a gift card that I was wrongly convinced had money on it...I couldn't pay for my drink (and I walked there with no wallet).  I asked them not to give it to me, and when they insisted, I told them I would come by the next day to pay.  The barista said: "Even if you try to give me the money tomorrow, I won't take it."  It was grace extended on a day that begged for a kindness.

Deliberately noting things to be grateful for has been a valuable practice that I intend to continue long term. Recently, on a difficult day, I found myself reviewing past entries, and was able to recall experiences I’d forgotten about…lovely/funny/touching/profound/loving moments of life that grounded and centred me. Didn’t take away the troubledness I was feeling…but it fed my soul, giving me energy and resilience to deal with a present difficult situation. 

I want to be in a space that looks at life recognizing that there is more good than not, more kindness than hatred, more generosity than stinginess. There is not doubt much evil in the world…trust me, I’m no Pollyanna. Being a therapist, I hear the traumatic experiences and broken inner worlds of people daily, and I have my own disappointments and losses. But, as much as possible, I want to choose to come from an inner perspective of quiet strength, which is calm, confident, capable and centred. 

I was listening to CBC yesterday and a person being interviewed said something to the effect of: “The news headlines tomorrow will be that 1800 people are having their Canadian citizenship revoked because of fraud. It will sound like a big horrible scary number that will alarm people for a variety of reasons. There will be little or nothing said about the 498 000 people who became citizens during the same period who will happily remain Canadian citizens”. Our media and culture focuses disproportionately on the bad and catastrophic. I choose to focus proportionately on the good and wholesome.

On Saturday, I had a wicked headache and spent much of the day very nauseous. I felt awful. The next day my head was clear, and I was pretty much back to normal. And, as I wrote in the gratitude blog that day, I  was grateful for not being sick to my stomach. And I realized I hadn’t been consciously mindful of my overall general good health in a while. The gratitude blog had me switch my focus away from the “tragedy” of a beautiful summer weekend day spent ill, to the many days I am able to conduct my day completely unaware of good health.

I haven’t got this all figured out, and don’t think by this writing, that I’ve found a way to be eternally “happy”. It’s not at all like that. But I am thankful for the readings and videos that have put me on the path of gratitude.

Arvid Loewen is one crazy uncle with a grandpa's heart big enough for 2000 kids.

Most of us have an uncle that we might refer to as, ahem, odd or quirky...maybe he has ear hairs inches long, or he wears the ugliest sweaters to family gatherings, or he brings smelly picked fish as his offering to the potluck. 

My odd uncle works to set a world record that requires huge perseverence, the strictest mental discipline, and the physical stamina that blows my mind.

He set off 3.5 days ago from Vancouver to see if he can cycle across Canada beating the world record of 13 days.  He's been sleeping an 1.5-2.5 hours per night, and eats constantly...with KFC being a favorite because of its high calorie content that is greasy enough to slide down a throat parched from hours on the bike.  He's just crossing the border from Saskatchewan into Manitoba around the time I write this.

Who would do such a thing?  Why?

He does it as a fundraiser for Mully Children's Family...an orphanage in Kenya that has some really cool ways of loving kids off the streets, giving them an education and having them learn singing, karate, and trade skills along the way.  They do some amazing innovative agricultural stuff that allows it to increasingly move towards a greater percentage of being self sustaining...and hired local underemployed folk to help with these projects, giving employment to the community.  They have ongoing needs...and Uncle Arvid is helping fundraise.
  
He's a grandpa to 3 (almost 4) children...he had a great job in management at a furniture company in town...and gave it up to pursue ultramarathon cycling as a platform to raise awareness of MCF.  He has a passion for these kids, and works in all sorts of ways to help fund the orphanage. 

I think he's pretty cool.

The "back story" is that Arvid got into cycling cuz his knees were bad from playing soccer and so he couldn't run...cycling was a great alternative.  The guy who can't run finished first in his age class in RAAM (Race Across America, the most grueling bike race in the world.  I think that's pretty funny.

What's less funny is that Arvid is now having trouble walking...his hip has gone bad because of a variety of circumstances, and will be replaced in September.  One leg is 2 inches shorter than the other. The doctor encourages this cycling because it will have him in good shape to recover from the surgery.  He cycles in pain.
 
Crazy Uncle Arvid has chutzpah.  Drive to make a difference.  Dedication to make it happen.

Go, Arvid Go!!

LinkwithLove is a new online intiative that I'm lovin'.

Kal Barteski is a local artist with energy to burn. Not only is she the mother of three preschool girls who seem to be up a lot at night when the rest of us are sleeping, she is an artist with unique spirit, promoting people to believe in themselves and connect effectively with others. Dunno how she gets it all done, but she does…I often check her blog early in the morning before I go to work…her style is to attack the day with joy and energy and quirky enthusiasm…something I find somewhat infectious. As a “non-morning-person” (I put that, ahem, delicately…but this cannot be overstated), I benefit from her “GO” attitude as I work to get myself moving for the day. I have her artwork in my hallway, and have blogged about it before…I posted a copy of the poster on my blog…when I emailed her to ask her for permission to post her work, she promptly consented, along with a friendly and kind note.

 

One of my favorite paragraphs from her blog is on an electronic post it note on my computer, written shortly after Christmas a few years ago. I like to look at it when I’m tempted to complain in the myopia of being swamped with tasks and losing sight of the good stuff that is there for the noticing:

At the moment - I am buried under 14 loads of laundry and the sinking feeling that I am never really ever going to catch up. We are all sick. Penn is cutting several teeth. The dogs are stir-crazy. The madness of the holidays is piled up higher than our dirty clothes. And I have a monster zit in the middle of my forehead. I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the awesomeness of our families. Overwhelmed by the cheer and the generousity of our loved ones. Overwhelmed by love. Overwhelmed by the sheer amount of "stuff" that accumulates from 'the spirit of the season'. Overwhelmed by my own consumerism. Overwhelmed by the things I need to do to get this place back to a functional home and not a toy distribution centre. Overwhelmed by the fact that our splendid coffee maker is broken. (BOO!) And overwhelmed by the amount of blessings I have. Overwhelmed that the two small people that fill my heart are growing too fast. Overwhelmed.

A few weeks ago, she discovered some of her artwork had been copied (over and over…like, 1.5 million times over) and it now was being used on mugs, T shirts, even a porn website. People had stolen her work and now were using it for their own financial gain...nasty. 

She took action…she expressed her dismay…and then flipped the problem on its head and began a campaign that has gotten some serious press. “Link with Love” is a movement that is now developing momentum…which has people commit to give credit to stuff they post on their website…linking back to its original source. Pictures, poetry, writing, artwork of all kinds…it is about accepting our responsibility to know better and do better about respecting other people’s stuff, and educating and advocating others to do so. Respecting other’s stuff…we have no more right to take someone’s electronic creation without permimssion than we do to take a picture off their wall in their house. It even goes one step farther to encourage internet users to be proactive in noticing when something has been reposted without proper aknowledgement…and doing something about it.

Her plan reminds me of non violent resistance approach that I admire. Sometimes, I hear people talking about the line, “Turn the other cheek” after one has been slapped. It was a line used by Jesus, and is quoted in the book of Matthew, in the New Testament. Often when people hear that, it is assumed that it means…”If a guy hits you on one side of your face, let him hit the other side too”. An uncomfortable, even painful idea—and not only figuratively. That’s not what it means…it’s a way of turning intrustiveness and flipping it to look the person who has harmed you in the eye, and say, “This is NOT OK”

The intent behind "turn the other cheek" actually is a form of resistance…of equality--saying in an upfront way, "It is NOT okay to do treat me like that". From Wikipedia:

At the time of Jesus, striking someone deemed to be of a lower class with the back of the hand was used to assert authority and dominance. If the persecuted person "turned the other cheek," the discipliner was faced with a dilemma. The left hand was used for unclean purposes, so a back-hand strike on the opposite cheek would not be performed. The other alternative would be a slap with the open hand as a challenge or to punch the person, but this was seen as a statement of equality. Thus, by turning the other cheek the persecuted was in effect demanding equality.

This approach feels similar…Kal and her colleagues are cheerfully and assertively letting cheaters and stealers and ignorant plagerizers know that it is NOT okay to use other people’s stuff without asking them, and given the proper credit. It’s cheerfully letting people know to watch the use of intellectual property. I love how her response creates a positive energy around something which had to feel pretty nasty to her. She could have complained about it and left it there. Instead, Kal looked for a solution and created a tidal wave of energy that is fun and has integrity. Kal looked at the larger picture that has created the problem, and sought to address it with bright colors and the collaboration and cooperation of the electronic community that seeks to create an environment that is safe and inspirational for all…working together, watching out for each other, and enjoying the creative work of many along the way.

I respect this. Thanx, Kal!  Why does this matter to me, a therapist?  Cuz my life's work is about helping people improve connections, to have relationships that are meaningful.  This works at cyber relationships and integrity in connections--enhancing the work of artists in a way that honors who they are.

Sometimes, the stars align and the universe smiles, and a person is bless down to their socks.  Does happen all the time, but I was fortunately thusly, yesterday.

Years ago, I studied in California to get my counselling degree...and one of my professors came to town this week to teach a week long course here...and she looked me up! We agreed to get together for breakfast on Sunday morning.

On the way to breakfast, we stopped by my office…at her request…but I’m glad she asked. I got to show her the waiting room, the offices, and she looked at our books, and we discussed approach, and theories, and the practice of therapy. She looked around, and admired things, and made comments that told me she noticed what I was doing in our practice that made it the kind of place that is a great place to have therapy. I gave her some “Bergen and Associates Counselling” pens…one for her, and a few to take back to the school.

I realized at some point, that it felt a little like a kindergartener showing her picture to the teacher…asking her to admire it. Just at the very moment I was about to say (in appreciation for the opportunity to show her my stuff)…”Thanx for caring enough to want to see my office and see what I do, and the space that represents what I’ve come…and thanx for your very important contribution to that process” she instead says to me, “It is so nice as a teacher to see the ripple effects of the work that we as teachers do in the classroom. Sometimes as a teacher, you just don’t see the final results of all that work. It’s so wonderful for you to take time to show me your offices and let me see that all that work that I pour into students has some lasting effects”.

We proceeded onto breakfast, having a chance to catch up on each other’s lives. We showed each other pictures of our respective tribes…she’s got grandchildren now! She told me about other profs at the school…some of whom had moved on to other things, some of whom have died. I heard about their funerals…and heard about their families. We talked about books and writers and theorists who were important to us. She invited me to come to her class one afternoon to talk to her students about a few things. 

It was great to get together with her on a number of levels. I was her “T. A.” (teacher’s assistant) back when I was a student and it was just good to catch up. S’funny tho, how there was a surprising feeling at the end of the visit inside me. 

I realized that I am a “grown up therapist”…on some level, I’ve known this for some time: I have a greater confidence that continues to develop, and I can notice the success I have in facilitating clients as they work hard when they come to therapy. I am increasingly sought after by folks who ask me to work with them, or who would like to work as a colleague…I have both internal feedback from inside of me, and external feedback from colleagues and clients that say I’m a therapist who is capable.

But yesterday, my teacher/mentor and I chatted as colleagues. She asked me what I had been reading and what I thought was important to know…like she valued my opinion. T’was a weird and wonderful feeling to realize that it “fit” to dialogue with her as a colleague. It affirmed and confirmed me in my work in a way I hadn’t expected—but was delighted to note and experience.

Writing of this reminds me  of the year I started teaching years ago at the University of Manitoba…where I got my undergraduate degree. The photocopy room was a tiny little place that had a hash mark at the entrance on the floor, and a clear sign on the wall, “No students allowed”…I’d spent 3 years knowing I couldn’t go in there when I was a student…and then, years later, when I had to go in there as instructor, I crossed that threshold with trepidation, reluctantly, half feeling that I should expect to get “kicked out” out of there. Took months before I didn’t hesitate to go into the photocopy room, having to reassure myself that I really did have authority and ability to confidently enter a room that only professors could enter. Gradually, though…it became a small matter of pleasure to know that I could enter the “no students allowed” room along with the other profs…many of whom had been my teachers, and now seemed to apparently consider themselves my colleagues.

Sorta interesting how life experiences affirm and confirm growth that has happened so slowly and so gradually that it isn’t noticed (and then neither, celebrated) until some sort of milestone happens that says, “You done it”:

• An anniversary after a difficult year of marriage where commitment to love and the relationship has triumphed

• Completing a 5 km run that celebrates and highlights the increase in regular exercise in a person’s life

• A trip made alone after the shattering of a marriage…the marking of "I can so things like travel and enjoy myself on my own—I WILL be OK”

Take note of little things (or big ones) that mark achievement, sometimes invisibly or subtly so, and take the time to celebrate how you can do things now that you didn’t or couldn’t before.

 

 

For as long as I shall live, I will testify to love

I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough

Avalon

Often people do not have an ability to change their circumstances.  We are stuck with living with what has happened to us...our past.  We are born into the families we have...nothing we can do to change that.  Often, life circumstances can be dictated as well...economic circumstances may dictate employment, housing and so on.  What's the point of counselling if so much of life is beyond our control?

I will often tell clients..."I can't change _____(insert difficult circumstances, relationship, or person here), but what we can do is look at how you are working with and dealing with this to allow what goes on inside you to shift, creating different possibilities." The danger is that it can seem like I am blaming a client...working "on them" to fix the problem...what we are doing rather, is accepting the reality that the only elements we can change in the therapy room are the thoughts and feelings a person has around a situation.  Far from blaming, it empowers clients the potential to create shifts because they influence the world around them. (NOTICE:  I did not say the person can magically change the situation and to make it "all better")

Shawn Achor is a researcher that points out the importance of perspective.  He helps us understand the significance of the lens through which we view a situation...and how that lens shapes our reactions towards the situation...and then through that, the lens actually shapes the situation itself. 

Towards the very end of the video of a presentation given at TEDxBloomington this last Saturday, Shawn provides several very concrete and "do-able" strategies that are research proven to enhance a helpful perspective.  These can create an internal space to allow a different perspective with greater optimism.  He's kinda funny too--his dry wit had me chuckling.  He talks fast, so put on your seat belt and hold on while you listen!  (The rough cut video was deleted off the internet hours after I posted...it will be reposted in 3-4 weeks)

Note:   I am inserting three here with similar content...the original version had the same content but was more condensed. Jump to Video #3 for the strategies...videos #1 and #2 is the background that gives the strategies credibility:
 

 


The danger of these sorts of videos is they make it sound too easy...for many it's not.  There are solid reasons why people struggle with situations, why depression makes it too difficult to get out of bed in the morning, why anxiety cripples.  I get that. Many people want to be more positive...and feel unable to "get there"...in fact, that's often why people come to counselling.

Shawn provides some valuable evidence based understandings of the importance of perspective, and how we can actively implement simple concrete strategies that can make a difference in the way we think and therefore, the way we see things.

Shawn's research has seen how 10% of your long term life satisfaction is determined by your external circumstances.  90% is predicted by your internal view...the internal view of success...your optimism levels, social supports, and seeing stressors as challenges to be met.  He looks to reverse the formula for success...to be satisfied, to experience joy in a way that is not contingent to success. A "happiness advantage" is related to the ability to establish strategies to be positive in the present...by being fully present and noticing all of reality...the beauty of the day, the kindness of those around us, the goodness which surrounds us. (Yes, the world still hurts, some people will still act like jerks towards you, and bad things will still happen...but they won't disproportionately consume our energy) 

Sounds corny?  Sure, it does.

But  it changes dopamine levels in the brain...allowing your brain (and you!) to think better and work more effectively.  That's hard research that is difficult to argue about.

Funny how science has figured out something just recently that faith has taught us for millennia, huh?